God is good...

Tonight as I hold my almost one month old...I am just over joyed that he is here, healthy, and perfectly made! He came way to close to having to go through what his (little)big sis had to go through just over 2 years ago. I am more than anyone could know thankful that he does not have to go through that and with just one burning his belly button is closed and fine. God is good he listened to my prayers that he would be born a good weight, healthy and fine. I was brought to my knees again as we would have been going down one of the worst moments in my life if that dumb cord had not come off. Now as I watch him sleep with out fear or worry of this my heart was just over joyed to think about watching him grow with out this worry! He is a joy, quiet and sweet! He just started to coo at me and smile a big pretty smile. He loves more than anything to watch his big sibs and loves to watch my parents huge tv LOL. He cuddles all the time holding my arm and shirt all day long. He sleeps well and eats as much as he can. He is doing well with his reflux and as it looks he will not have to be on meds for that and I am just so happy about this!!! Could not imagine life with out him in our family!

In other big news Paisley is officially in Kindergarten home school!!! We have a week of school under our belts now and it is amazing to watch her learn. I love being the one to teach her and just love seeing the joy in her eyes as she is learning new things. This is one thing that has been a big blessing this year. Teaching is the other job I wanted in life second to mommy...Now I get to do both with my own kids and it is more rewarding than any payed job could be. We are having a blast with science experiments, games, songs, Spanish videos and more. I cant wait to do the next lesson and the only thing I want to work on is having more things for the two smaller ones to do with Preschool also. I am learning as we go too and am so glad I have education classes under my belt to help me out too. Keyton is doing well with learning to write his name and we are working on the letters and spelling as well. Bee is doing well too and her counting is off the charts for a 2 year old. She can count to 15 and is working on recognizing all the alphabet but I am having to learn new ways to teach her because she is hands on only and always wanting to go go go. Not at all like the other two.

Brezlyn and Keyton start mother's day out on the 4th of September at a new school! It is the one at our own church...it is cheaper, closer, and shorter by an hour!!! All making mommy and daddy happyer about sending them. Brezlyn is so excited to go and cant wait to see her friends from church more often. Keyton is a little scared about the change but I know he will be fine when he sees the kids from church there also. I will enjoy the alone time with Sandler and Paisley on these days and give her a chance to work on her harder lessons on those days.

Tryon is doing well and he is moving up finally!!! He is GM at work now and I am so proud of him. It has been a long road to get to this point and I know he will do a wonderful job. He is gone more than most but we love the time we get with him and we try not to waste a min. of it.

I am good and finally all better from all the complications with Sandler/delivery. I am now starting to get to work out and hope to loss the weight faster this time and to stick to it. I am (like I said) enjoying home school, being a home mommy and watching the kids grow. My goal this year is to make friends at church, make more plans with the friends we have and to grow into a better mommy/wife. I hope we have as good of a year as in the past...Don't know if we are done having kids yet...I just cant say we are done. Part of me loves the even 2 and 2 but a big part of me longs to do all this again! Tryon is worried I will never be done and he is more ready to say done then me. We have done nothing to prevent it or to permanently stop but we will see where God takes us for now. Paisley is begging to have more, Brezlyn says yes but Keyton says no unless we give him only brothers LOL.

Life is wonderful and I cant wait to see where God takes us next. Yes this year has had its bumps but over all it was wonderful and we are a happy family of 6 with lots of new adventures a head of us!

Sandler Holden Condra

June 19, 2012

Finally after weeks and tears of begging and pleading with the doctor to induce this baby early he did 3 days late. Yes for once I hit my due date and I hope I never do again LOL. Any ways we had to be at the hospital to start the pre stuff at 5 am so we were up and getting ready at 4am to finally meet this little guy. I felt really sorry for Tryon because he did not get home from work til 1:30am so did not get to sleep til 2...needless to say we started the day off really sleepy.

Me ready and off to the hospital 

So after getting all set up and them having trouble finding a good vain for my IV. The Doctor came in at 8:30 to break my water and get things going! I will say he was really really ruff compared to my old doctor but then again Sandler was still face up  not down like he should and was refussing to move down like he should have been. Things are going still was not feeling much of the contraction (so  I thought) just back pain that was getting worst as the day was going on. Found out a little latter that I was have back contractions rather than normal ones again due to the was he was facing. Finally around 10:30am things were rolling good and it looked like we would have a baby by lunch. Well that did not happen because my doctor had an apt of his own and had them at 11:30 stop my patossin to keep me from progessing while he was at his apt. I was thinking it would be like Brezlyn and still happen but with Sandler being high and back wards it did not happen. They started it all back up at 12:45 and things started slowly again. By 2:30 I was in real pain...This is the first time I have done things with no drugs....not the best time to do no drugs with how he was turned but oh well I did it but if I have another one turned like this no way! LOL! Anyways I am so greatful to the delivery nurse I had because she really helped me stay calm, Tryon too and I could tell he was more worried about us than the other 3.  Finally it was time to start pushing normally I only push 2 times and I am done but this time was harder...I pushed 6 or 7 not sure how many but with every push the doctor was turning him the right way and OH my did that feel horrable! Anyways I knew the second he came out at 3:09 that he was much bigger than the rest and was mad at my doctor for not showing him to me right away. He did not cry right away and I was so scared he was not ok but every one was telling me he was breathing but I was not a happy mommy til I heard him. With my condition they had they had to check him out for to much fluid in the lungs so for the first time I did not get to hold my baby right after delivery but he really needed to be sucked out and it took a while to get everything out. He was beautiful and Mommy was being watched for hemorrhaging so things on my end where going slowly too. The first thing I said was that he looked like Tryon and Keyton! Loved the hair and enjoyed hearing his little cry while they cleaned him up. They told me yet again no stiches needed and I was done with my part and waiting to hold my baby.

Finally hear at 3:09 My big beautiful boy

Finally getting to see how much bigger he was

8lbs 12oz! only 20 1/2in

OH MY

So so happy to finally hold this baby boy!

He looks just like Keyton in this picture

Love the smile on both of our faces.

Daddy with his baby before bath time!

They took him for clean up but before had to make sure they got everything out and warm him up some...they kept him for about 2 hours to make sure he was ok and clean him up. I was sad but knew we both could have major problems and was so relieved he was fine. While waiting for him my Mom and the Kids came up for the first time!! I was so excited to see them I cryed LOL. They went and looked at him in the window and when they came back in (because they where checking him and needed some blood) Paisley said "I knew he would look like us and have all that hair" LOL.

First time to see him up close....They where all in love!

We had given the kids all a badge that said "biggest sis, big sis or big bro" and a few busy things to do while up at the hospital...They all took turns holding and loving on their baby brother but with the time where all getting hungry so they headed out leaving Mommy and Daddy alone to love on the new baby.

Tryon's old club shirt turned into a night gown for Sandler

Has a matching hat like the sleeves!

So that night Sandler did have a moment where he scared us and the nurse. He ate at 2 then went back to sleep but did not wake me up til 6 by choking. He then spit up so much I was worried. I changed him and got ready to feed him again seeing as he had gone too long since his last bottle. Well he would not take it at all. I tryed all the things that have worked in the past 3 when they tryed not to eat. Finally after 45 mins of trying I called the nursery to see if this was something to worry about. The Nurse showed me another trick but it did not work at all. She sat with me and tryed to get him to eat for about 20 mins and then said she would take him down early for the doctor to see if his blood suger was not normal. Finally after almost 3 hours they brought him back to us...they also did his circumsision too...his sugar was normal and they still could not get him to take the oz he needed. I was then told that if we could not get him to start eating it we would stay longer and see what was making him not eat. Did not like this but thankfully the next bottle he ate over the oz and then did the rest of the time! They said he still had a little fluid in him and that was what had caused the spit up and maybe what was making him not eat the first day/night. Now you would never know he was eating like that as he is now eating 3 oz every 3 hours. 

Next day our first family picture! We could not have asked for

a more perfect picture of all 6 of us!

Sweet take home outfit...the cute matching soccer shoes would not stay on LOL.

In the carseat and ready to go at 4:30pm the next day

Leaving  Nonnie and Poppy's house...all 4 of my babies

in the car and ready to head home together.

Two cute outfits that all 4 of my kids have worn now! Love this and

love that

love those blue eyes and that hair!!!

He is doing wonderful and I am starting to feel so much better now too. This recovery has been harder on the body than the last 3 but thankfully no complications so far. My back and ribs are finally starting to feeling normal again and the fluid I was taking on is starting to go away. Sandler is getting so chunky so fast and he is just like Brezlyn in that he sleeps way more than he is awake! He is a happy baby who only crys to eat or when we change him. So happy to have him here and still cant believe he is a week old! Thank God things are good and we so far have nothing to worry about. He goes to the doc tomorrow so we will see how much he has grown and how he is doing. Life is good and our family is so much happyer now than a week ago. It will be back to normal soon as mommy can be up and around more which should be this next week. I am so glad that I have heald as fast as I have with all the things they were worried about with me. God is good. 

Baby 4 update...

Well today was another fun day of being hooked up to the machines again. Got in with a new lady but thank God she was just as sweet as the last. I really love when the Nurses are friendly and make you feel good while there. Anyways we got to talking about my back pain and other pain to see how bad they have gotten. She understood my back problems because she has the same back problem as me! Crazy she then tells me that she does not know how I have carried 3 normal babies and now this with my back because she could have never done it. I felt good and it was nice to have someone who understood...well got hooked up and the made sure to keep my heart rate checked this time because of the light handedness I have been having this last week. We both are fine there. They came in after we got his 20min (45min later) made him mad so that they could get it while he was very active to make sure it did not get to high and it did not. Good thing...Got the sonogram and he is wait for it....HEAD DOWN again but face up. Silly guy I asked how bad that was and she said not to bad and  most the time the doctor can turn him as he is coming out to help ease delivery. Ok...Then asked with my condition is it really likely that he can turn back and the answer was yes for sure. PRAY he stays! She measured and looked at him and again breathing and moving. First time his hand was not on the cord!! Happy to see that and he was not moving to much so she made him to  make sure that he was ok. Found out with this condition that if he slows down to much he could be still born because of the weight of the fluid. Now have to track his movement through out the day. No biggy there but hoping nothing bad happens to my little guy. Well done with me she goes to talk to the doc and count my fluid...comes back in after a little bit and says good news the fluid has gone down! The only thing that means now is I am not making to much and not so little guy is getting bigger! Great there but hey did not go up so that is better. Then she said the doctor was so happy to hear the fluid was down and he was head down...asked when my next apt with him was and was happy it was in the am.....PRAYING that he sets up the induction now with him being in place and ready!!!!! The nurse even told him that I am so ready and in a lot of pain and he said he knew I was ready overly ready so here is to hoping! The nurse was hoping he will do it on Friday or Saturday so that he has less chance of flipping the wrong way again. I am too! To think of only having 3 or 4 days left would be wonderful. Today was the first day I felt lighter walking out with good news rather than the last few weeks. I have hope that the end is soon really soon!!!!! I am trying not to get my hopes up to high just because of the track record with this Doctor but it is hard. Tryon is going with me in the am so I hope he will help me stress that he said 39 weeks so why not Sat. when I hit 39 weeks on the nose! Pray he does....  hard I am ready for my back and body not to hurt anymore! I will let everyone know as soon as I do. I pray for the only tears I cry is when I see him not because of disappointment again.

Sonogram update

me at 37 1/2 weeks...measuring 46weeks or more.

Well went in for my weekly baby check at the hospital....thinking that I would be in and out with no change at all....Well heart rate was good but took an hour to get the 20mins needed because he would not sit still. Yeah he is a crazy baby! We then did the sonogram...first off he is still a boy LOL then it was the hand on the cord...he has been holding it every time we see him. Then the bad news...Sandler is breech now with his feet down. CRUD last week he was head down but sunny side up (that was not good but could have him naturally). Now with what I have if my water breaks there is no doubt that I will have a cord prolapses...meaning the cord comes out with the water. Not only the breached position means C-section but the prolapses means there is no other choice. Not the option I wanted but if it has to be it will be...scared to leave the kids that long and the recovery too. The Doctor did not like hearing that the baby is breached and I go in in the am to see him. I am sure he will want to wait another week but we will see. The sweet nurse who has had me at the hospital the last 3 weeks told me just what to say to him about my fears. She told me to say that I have never had a breech baby and now with the polyhydramnios I am so scared to have a cord prolapses. This could cause big problems for Sandler if it happens. I am so scared and hope he listens to me I am shaking thinking of it and am so grateful my water has not broken yet even though I have prayed all weekend for it to happen. The nurse also told me if it does happen to sit as much as I can til I get to the hospital...to let Tryon get everything ready to go to the hospital and only walk to the car and then to the hospital. Glad to know! Then the other bad news my water levels went up my 4 points...not good this close to the big day either. I wish I could just get some good news for once. I cant wait til he is hear and I don't have to worry about the delivery any more. I have never been this scared going into labor but with everything going on I can help it. Not the best news to get on my Birthday but trying to keep my head up and pray that with the high levels of water he flips back the right way this time and stays.

almost 37weeks and counting....

Ok so here is the deal...Went into the hospital for my weekly baby/fluid check that I now have to go to every week. Got all hooked up and Sandler's heart rate was in the 190s not good so I had to sit for 30 extra mins to make sure he got back down to a normal range, which thank God he did. She said he was just over excited today but I think that was more to keep me from going crazy :) The nurse is really sweet and she made the whole hour and half I was there so much better. Well we talked about the new pain I am having which is rib pain that does not get better at all...add that to the pelvic and back pain and it sounds like I am falling apart. She was a little worried because while on my side for the baby heart rate check I was a little pail and puffing a little for air. But said it was prob. because he was laying on a vain/nerve that made me feel bad. Next was the sonogram. She told me "Well good thing is he is head down but he is facing up" Crud...if he does not figure out how to face down (to my back) that could mean harder and longer than normal labor...plus ripping which I have never had or a c-section (not wanting). She said we would keep an eye on that and that is a big reason my back feels like it is breaking because his spine and my spine are on top of each other. When he pushing back it hurts my back. Not good because of my back problems but hey what can we do about it. Then the little toot is still holding on to the umbilical cord nothing we can do there just something she did not like to see again. Seems like this kids is going to be ornery already...Anyways she wanted to see if we could see why my ribs are hurting so bad. See if it was baby or something else. Well it was both...only me...My placenta is right between my ribs good thing it is at the top but not much fun to have it between them. So now this ornery baby likes to put his feet on it so every time he moves around at all he pushes right into my ribs causing the pain and shortness of breath. Not going to get better just worst the bigger I get and he gets. She did say he was a big baby too...I knew that but nice to hear that I am not crazy with thinking that way. Anyways after all the measurements we found out I have not gained any more fluid but have not lost any either. So no good news but not bad either. The baby is a mover and all organs still look great. I got to see him take 4 good breaths and see some hair on his little head. His face looks good and as far as we can see no cleft palate so that is wonderful....Just means that we dont know why I am having the fluid problem but love that my baby is ok just big. :)

So left the hospital feeling good to know why I am having all these pains that I normally dont have. I know it wont get better but it is so nice to know why. Just the type of person I am I have to know why something is going on...hate we dont know why this time around I have polyhydramnios (which is the term for it) but still some answers are better than others...

Well then went to the doc to get checked and see what he is going to do about my pain/condition...Checked me and measuring 45 weeks at 36 1/2 weeks heart rate was good for him (he did look at the strip from the hospital too) Then told me I am dilated to a 2. Good so then I asked if that means with all the pain, my condition and bigness if that means we can induce sometime soon...Then told me that no induction til 39 weeks!!! WHAT I have always been induces by 38 weeks or more...not happy I was trying to ask about the cord prolapse that I have heard about with this condition and breaking on your own...he cut me off and was really rude about saying that there is no way he will induce before that unless something changes with the baby. Ok so I dont matter. I was mad at being talked to so rudely and I was not the best back. I just looked down and sat there...not proud to say that when he told me to have a good memorial day I just said I wish I could. Got out of there and broke down at the receptionist table. She came and hugged me and asked if the baby is ok. I said yes just hurting so bad I dont think I can do this any longer. She said she understood (she had twins so she is really the only one who does know how it feels to be this big and hurting) and just hugged me. I love the nurses at his office and seem to like the nurses here more than the docs. and the nurses in Abilene that i have had. I just hate to cry in front of people I dont know!!!!

SO all in all not a bad day just did not like being treated so badly and my fears yet again not being listened too. I am getting more info about this from the nurse at the hospital and love that she listened to my pain and watched me so well. She cant make the doc change his mind but it is so nice to have some one who is looking out for me as well as Sandler. She is a special lady to me and I am so glad she made sure I get here again next week. The bad thing is I get to go back on my B-day to see so many Mommies holding there babies and I would kill to be done and holding mine.

I asked Paisley today is she remembered mommy being like this with the other two and She said "NO mommy you never just sat and hurt like this. I worry about you" Made me sad but nice to know that it is not just me and tryon feeling that way. Trying to find the good in it all and Praying for strength and to go into labor on my own before he is way to big!

Baby is a monster! :)

Well today we had another apt with the doc. He came in and said ok we are at 36 weeks (no I am 35) so he has unofficially moved my due date up to June 8th! Hey I will take it LOL. Anyways he measures me at 44weeks OMG more than I thought or was ready for but ok. He did not say much but we did ask before he forgot about the sonogram he said things where still on the higher side of fluid so he wanted me to go to the hospital to be hooked up to the machines to check me and Sandler. Ok kind of scared about that one but so happy he is finally looking into things more. Also had to go get some blood work done to check my iron levels etc. to make sure that was not causing some of the problems. I wont know anything from that til next week. Anyways so went to the hospital for an hour and a half...only good news on him...his heart is fine and he was moving around just like a baby should. Machine off but then had yet another sonogram done. He is a monster baby...they did not measure how big he was just the fluid around him and the good news there is that the levels have gone down by 4 points and only have 5 more to be back in the normal range. That is great news but just means that the doc and I are both right LOL...baby is a big big boy and I am having a little more fluid than i should. Fine with me and glad to know something. His organs are all looking good and he is taking his practice breaths so that is another wonderful thing to add to the list. He is still a big mover and even with the extra fluid he is running out of room fast. The only thing that we are worried about is Sandler is holding onto and squeezing his umbilical cord. That could be causing some problems with the fluid and him getting the right amount of nutrition/blood. They really cant stop him and they are not ready to take him so we will see if he is doing that next week LOL. Yeah I get to go do this every week til he comes now so I am really hoping it is not far off because I don't like waiting up there for that long and the looks I get walking in because I look bigger than most the girls who are having there baby. So on top of my normal apt Wed I will also be going to the hospital to have everything checked again but at least my fears that something is wrong with Sandler are being proven wrong. Maybe now I can sleep a little better about that. I just keep praying for a reasonable size boy and for God to give me the strength to make it as far as needed for him. I am in lots and lots of pain and look like an old lady walking because the bones and muscles down there hurt so so bad. Things are not getting better but not getting worst. That is why they are watching me like crazy and making sure nothing happens to him or me before the big day. At least if he comes now he will not be put in the NICU! Something I did not want for him and now that worry is gone too. One more thing to be grateful for. Someone asked me today what I wanted for my birthday (that is 2 weeks away) and I told them just a baby would be great...we will see!

Sonogram Update

Today at 34 weeks/baby 36weeks/body 42/43weeks....Oh my...LOL

No body knows what is true with this Doc But God!

Well today had another sonogram! He was head down and still moving around from that thing. He never looks at the camera LOL. Anyways the cutest thing was him sucking his tongue, which is a good thing and means he is practicing for eating! He was big and all his organs still look good. To me he looked as if he had no room already and no much fluid like they think I have. She said he is measuring about 36 weeks instead of 34...which with my short (18" 19") small headed babies... he could be bigger than that. Yes I am a lucky mom who has a baby with a smaller than average head every time so it makes them seem smaller than they are on the sonogram. Also said he is looking like he is 6 1/2 lbs but as everyone knows sonograms are never right on that and he could be already 7 or 8lbs. BIG and looks ready. At this rate he is looking to be about 10 to 15lbs not wanting that at all. The reason I dont trust sonograms is one my mom had a tumor on her ovary and they said it was only the size of a grape fruit (still big) when they went in it was the size of a basket ball!!!! Major difference! The other is I know of 4 women who have gone in a few days before delivery for  a sono and been told they would be 7 lbs and came out 10!! Yeah no real trust in those things. I will not know what they think of the fluid levels til next week but while leaving she said The heavy  feeling I was have(which I have never said I was having) was because of the fluid not the baby. Well I dont feel heavy at all I feel the same as with the other 3 just and feel his head between my legs...SO there is another reason I dont feel as if I am carring any more than my normal amount of water. Also read that If to much fluids I would not feel the baby move much and we would not find his heart rate..no problem there at all this little guy is moving all the time and strong.

Mom saw me today for the first time in a 10 days and said I was much much lower than when she left on vacation. Which made me feel better that it was not just in my head or hoping. I really think he will come before May is done and for this mommy the sooner the better really A lady today also said she has seen me alot while at the mall with my mom and can tell just from the weeks that I am looking like I am carring this boy in my lap and I was not before! She was sweet and said she would pray for me and my baby. Love people like that...still sad that the doc is so set in his ways to listen but hey just like the lady said today..."Its not my first its my 4th and I know my body by now...expecially with how close they are. I have not had time to forget what happens from time to time!" LOL yeah she was sweet and funny. My body is ready and so if my family. I know my body is dialated and I feel the preasure of his head all the time even while sitting and that is a good sign. Not sleep at all and have the feeling of change coming. Another good sign. I have also been told that some time you feel sick at your stomic before the big day hits and that has been me the last 3 nights. I am trying not to look to every little thing as a sign and get my hopes up but it is hard not too. He just has to come in May to keep up our pattern of every 2 months a b-day LOL. I just keep praying for a good size baby and not to big!

I am not stressing and just doing my normal thing and just leaving it up to God (not that I am not praying hard for him to come soon). I am also doing things to help dialation along and not going to stop any kind of laybor at all. I know even if we are wrong and he is still not due til June God will have his hand in it. I already have one baby who has been touched by God so I know with prayer and trust he can do it again for Sandler if needed. I just cant wait to see him on the outside and hold him!

Tears and frustration yet again...

Ok so today was apt day with the baby doctor. Went in hoping that with Tryon there he would listen to my fears/pain and the feeling of dilation I have been having.

Well we get in and he measures me (i am only 33 1/2 weeks) I am now 42 weeks!! What up another week. So now I am measuring 9 weeks a head of what I am. Then it takes him a while to find my little guys heart beat...Did not like that at all. I am mad and Tryon ask him how long he is going to let me measure this much a head with out doing anything or if there is a point when it is to much. He cant give us an answer. Just says we will check the fluid again with a sonogram next week. Then I say I have always had extra fluid but have never measured more that 3 weeks a head. He says that there is some condition that is genetic that makes you carry to much fluid. I ask Why in just this one and not all of my other 3. No answer and looks stunted. Says that he is not wrong about the due date and that was that. Then I tell him that I have felt the pain of dilation all week and he says Well you will feel more pressure with each baby and carry lower. Really I think I already knew that and i did not say pressure I said pain. Still nothing. I am in tears and he does not care just tells me to take baths and rest a lot. Well that is what I have been doing. Tryon ask about the other prego test yet again and he says there is no chance that is was that, that could not happen. LOL I know of 4 women that that has happen to and one who bleed her whole pregnancy! He did not check me and I am mad. Left the office in tears and just hate that he will not take me serious. I am scared if he does not tend to the things going on that something bad will happen to me or to Sandler. Tryon can tell this little guy is getting lower and so can I. The kids can tell that mommy is getting close so sad that the person I picked to take care of me and my new baby cant listen and see that. He said that if there is to much fluid he will take some out with a needle. I dont think there is too much at all but there is no way in a million years he is sticking a needle into my stomach. He will have to induce me to drain the water. I will not have it disturbed or cause the baby harm in anyway! Tryon said the same thing that this guy acts like he does not know what he is doing and there is no way he is putting a needle near his baby. I know if he come he comes no matter what this guy or any one says but the fears are there and I am getting no relief from the from my care giver. I keep praying for him to come soon and to be healthy. I dont want a 10 to 12 lb baby! My body hurts and is screaming to be done just like I was already a few weeks away from having him.

I wish he would have checked me just to clam my fears if anything but no he

just treats me like I am dumb and just not wanting to be prego. I am not happy but hey Trying to keep my head up. Thank God my cousin was hear to help me talk things out today I love her and it was just what I needed. Hoping it is soon. I think my back will break if I go 7 more weeks

Just a few days ago

today 33 1/2 weeks measuring 42!
thinking he has dropped more.

Overly big

Well as everyone knows I now 33weeks prego but the baby is measuring around 37 weeks and my poor belly is around 41 weeks now. This meaning this Mommy is tired and my body is so ready to be done! My body has been giving big signs that labor is trying to come...I would love it if it does at any point! The doc told me not to listen to my body and to keep him in til June but dont think this body or this little guy is going to make it to June. I am thinking some time around the 16 or so but Tryon does not think we will make it til then. I will be happy to welcome him no matter when and we will work with what we get even if it is the NICU for a little bit. I go in to the doc on wed. and I will bet you anything that I am dialated even if it is just a 1. This little guy is loving to send pains in that area all week sometimes to the point I have to stop walking to let it pass. I also have a few other signs but they are not some people talk about...still no blood though so that is good. He has dropped now that is forsure and all my friends agree with that one...even Tryon and he never can tell right away. I even have that "I got to get things done" feeling...nesting. I just cant seem to sit still I have to get the rooms ready, clothes ready, etc. Now I really dont think it is like this week or anything but I feel like it is not that far off. The only hope I have is that he waits til my parents are back from vacation so that I dont have to worry about the other 3 kids. I know I have friends and other family who will help but I would feel alot better if it was my Mom watching them over night/s. We will see...I have tried to stop worring about him and let it be. I am not trying to make him come or trying to stop him from coming. The doc took me off light duty so I am just going about life as normal. I know God and Sandler know when is the right time for him to come and I have been praying for him not to be more than 10lbs and healthy.  Hoping God listens to that prayer with all my heart. After I let go and said ok to the possability of NICU my stress has lifted alot. Now it is not all the way gone because no Mom wants to see her new baby in the NICU at all and wants to be able to just sit and hold that sweet baby. I will say that I know he will be fine something is just telling me that he was never mint to have a June due date that he was the first prego test I took the month before and that I lost a twin or just bleed for no reason therefor he would be due in May. I am also kind of excited and scared to go into labor on my own...Never have before and been told with how fast I go being induesed I better get to the hospital fast if my water breaks on its own. I guess for this seasoned Mom there are still a few new things to do LOL.

Wost part of being a Mom

So as you all know my kids are just like their Mommy....mainly Keyton but the girls have both had a few bumps along the way too. The latest is little Brezlyn having to have stitches in her lip. Yes when they do get hurt they do it good. I hate when they get hurt like this and the worst part for me is feeling so helpless to their pain. There is nothing I can do to make the pain go away and having to watch them hurt and hear them cry over it breaks my heart. This is the part of mother hood that I cant stand and makes me feel like I have failed them in some way. I really wish I could take their pain for my self so that they would not have to go through the things they have. Like with Bee this time it hurt me to watch them give her that shot in the lip/cut and then stitch it up. Made me cry for her and with Keyton and his broken bones it just makes me sad to watch the active little boy sit and hurt. Paisley thankfully has only had to big boo boos and both where fine after a week or so. Both spranges just sore mainly but I still hate she hurt and was embarassed by the wrap/brace.  Thankfully God has made us to take the pain (even if not well) and we heal fast even if it needed the help of a Doctor. I know it will make them stronger and more careful....just wish they would listen when Mommy says...."If you don't stop ____ then you will get hurt!" Why do I have to have the kids that have to test that one out every time just to see if mommy is telling a stoy or not! :/ Oh well I am getting my pay back early for the things I put my mom through. :) Thanks mom for all those time you said "One day you will have a kid and they will make your heart stop and you will worry about them everytime they get hurt" Yes mom it is true it is so different watching them get hurt and trying to to worry about how bad they feel. I feel for you with me and Jaden now! I hope this is just a stage and they stop testing what Mommy says. I really wish I could put them in a bubble but Keyton could get hurt in there...who breaks there elbo by rolling over on it while playing games! Yes at times we have no idea how they did the things they did but that is life with 3 young hyper kids I guess and and very prego partly bed ridden Mommy!

Disappointed again....

Well today I had my baby apt got up with high hopes to hear something about what my crazy baby is doing. Got the kids to my mom's and head to the apt alone, Tryon had to work today so it was just me. Get there and got my hopes up because I got some good news my blood pressure was down and nothing to worry about. Went to the room and waited for the doc. He comes in measures me at 39 (I am 31 1/2) no surprise there from last week. Baby's heart was sounding fine like always. Then he says "If you have no questions I will see you in two weeks." I say "I was told you would go over the sonogram from last week" He then starts flipping through my chart and says "Ok your fluid levels are not high and the baby is just a big baby" Me "So should I be measuring 8 weeks early then" He said "No your measuring fine for how far you are" I was mad thinking what the crap! I say " but I am only 31 1/2 weeks? Should I really be this big" He Says "Well you look like you have big babies so just looks like he is going to be a lot bigger. Expect him to be about 10 lbs" WHAT THE CRAP!!!! I then go on to tell him "I have never measured this far a head and all my kids where induced 1 to 2 weeks early and that big" doc.."Well if you cervices is right we may just do that closer to the date but we don't think your date is wrong." I then tell him about the pos. pregnancy test that I took the month before and then bleed after and asked him if that could be this baby and he just ignored me completely about it. Tells me that he is right about my dates and that all the signs I am feeling about the baby coming in the next 3 to 4 weeks to ignore them because it is too early! LOL right like my body is going to ignore them. I am happy that he will induce me if my body is showing signs of dilation and readiness and I always do early so here is to hoping that will be on my side.

I leave the office upset not about the fact that he has not changed my dates but by the fact he will not let me talk about my concerns/fear etc with out brushing me off like I know nothing. I am so upset by the way I have been treated by this doc. and for sure will not recommend him to anyone. I am fine if my date should not change but the fact he cant tell me why my body is going crazy with a real explanation and just says I still think your date is right or we are right about the date....Makes me so mad and hurt. I am not a new mommy and have had 3 pregnancies before this. I do not want to deliver a 10 lb or more baby just because he does not want to change my due date or even listen to how I feel about things that only I know are going on in my body. I am no longer on light duty and I am happy about that one. But my heart is hurting because the man I have in trusted with my care and the safety of my baby boy does not seem to care about the people he works for.

I also told Tryon an over view of what went on at the doc and how I could not even express my fears with out him brushing them off. I also told him I was told to prepare for a 10 lb baby at least. Tryon is mad too..anyone who knows my Hubby knows it takes a lot to make him mad. He said when we go back in on the 2nd he is going and he is talking to him. Tryon knows I don't get scared with pregnancy pain and little things but that this last few weeks I have been scared for me and my baby. All I know is that he did not like me just being ignored and told to prepare for a overly big baby!!!! Its not the doc who has to push that out.

Please pray for the best yet again and I know if he comes on his own there is nothing this doc or I can do about it. I just really don't' want a baby over 9 lbs. I do this with no drugs and the thought of a 10 lb baby makes me sick and scared as if it was my first delivery again. I don't want to get my first stitches ever or worst have to have a c-section over all of this. I am trying to give it over to God and just relax but the fears are always knocking at my door. Help me to let it go and trust that God will help my body to take and handle what ever happens.

frustrated!

I am so so so frustrated right now....
Went into the Doc. this am for my 30 week apt. I am measuring 38 weeks and my blood pressure is a little high! Crud two more weeks ahead than I was expecting. I told him all about the pain and the contractions I am having along with my fatigue. He checked me and I am not dilated so that is about the only good news I got today. He told me that I am on partial bed rest...in other words only can do the things I need to do to take care of my kids, very little house work and keep my feet up as much as I can to keep Sandler from coming now. That is something I now have to worry about with my blood pressure/bigness. He did not say much to me or really let me talk much about how I was feeling I have to start coming in every week now rather than every two weeks. I also was set up for another sonogram. It was really neat to see the baby this far along on the screen and he already has chunky cheeks. He looks great and everything with him is fine. She said that my fluid was not really high and that he looked like he was not measuring big. But what makes me mad is that he would not sit still so that she could get real good measurements and it took for ever to get the ones she did. I also don't trust the your baby is this big thing because I have so many friends have a sono done told oh your baby is only going to be about 6 lbs and then they come out 9 lbs or so. Yeah dont trust that at all! She said that he would talk to me next week when I came back in for my apt. She also said that I am just going to be big LOL. Easy for her to say when she is not carrying this tummy that is big as how many weeks I was when I delivered Brezlyn! I really dont know what to think. I know my body from my last 3 pregnancies and this one feels so different and not right at this point and HE WILL not listen to me. This baby feels big big big...and I have no idea how in the world my body will make it 8 to 10 more weeks like I should. Also I dont know how he is not going to be 10 to 14 lbs. Not happy and not looking good for me. I cant sit for 10 weeks with out going crazy!!!!!! Nothing is done for him to come and my poor body is feeling like I am ready to have him. I have never ever said I am ready to be done this early at all! I dont complain about the normal pain of pregnancy to any one but maybe Tryon just to get it out that I hurt that day (that at least makes the normal pain better some how). But This time around it is the normal pain but only way early into it making me think I am in for an early delivery! That scares me too and my little heart is just breaking right now. I am so scared and I have never been scared during my pregnancy (other than the fear of labor with Paisley) and have had it easy I will say. Everyone feels sorry for me when I say I have 10 weeks left and even his nurse is on my side and she is part of the reason he checked me today for dilation. She said I could call her Thursday to see if he is going to look into changing my due date because of the sonogram or my measuring 8weeks early. Makes me mad because my doc in Abilene would have already moved up my due date....listened to my fears but that is because she is a woman understands the pain of pregnancy! I just keep saying I need to make it just 6 weeks to have him out of the NICU that and him not to be more than 9 lbs is what I am praying for right now!!!!! I am so sad and cried all day by this news. Please Pray that God lays it on him if my due date needs to be moved up or to help him see that I am so scared and upset right now. Also pray this does not end bad with Sandler in the NICU or worst, him being what I fear the most more that 10 lbs or that I will have heart problems with the blood pressure. THIS for sure is a different experience from me....I have never had any problems while prego and now all of this!!!!

Baby is still growing...

At 26 weeks...

Now at 29 1/2 weeks...just over 3 weeks!

Wow I am getting way to big for just almost 30 weeks. I have never been this big this early ever. You Would never guess that I have only gained 12 lbs total if that. Thank God he has not dropped all the way like I thought he had this week. I still look like he is just where he needs to be. He maybe finding his way down but not all the way just yet. I go in on Monday and hope to know more then. Tryon is also going with me to make sure we find out what is going on with this little guy. I want another sono to make sure everything looks good and that he is ok/not too big. If he changed my Due date I could be due around May 18th or so. Praying that I do not end up on bed rest. Baby boy needs to take a small break from growing LOL so that this mommy can still be with my other kids like normal.

I want him to be happy and healthy but I also want to walk with out pain.

:)

Another one is 4!!!

Tomorrow My first little boy will be 4 years old at 5:58pm. Does not seem like it has been that long since having him in my arms for the first time. Crazy to think I have another one who has passed this mile stone. For his birthday we took him to Red Robbin and they gave him a Sunday for his birthday. Perfect for him with no wheat!!! He was so excited and did not want to share at all LOL. Then tomorrow he will have (wheat free) cookies at school and get to open his birthday pres. from us. His party is on Sat. and it will be a pirate dress up party! He is so excited to put on that Jack Sparrow outfit and have fun with all his friends. Should be a great time. I am making foam swards for all his friends, everyone gets eye patches, balloons and a pirate compass! Cant wait to see everyone playing and having a great time!

Fears...

at 21 weeks
double the size at 26 weeks

Ok so as everyone knows last month I had lots of pain with my pregnancy. I pulled a muscle and just could not get over it no matter how hard I tried. I finally after 3 weeks was able to be up and back to normal with my kids. Which was so nice and They where so glad that Mommy was better and ready for the day again. Tryon was happy to because I could help out around the house and starting to get back to normal.

Well this last week I went in for my apt. expecting the normal of hear the baby then off to take my two test. The glucose test and the rogam shot....While at the doctors he listens to my baby and sounds great then he measures me...at 32 weeks. WHAT I was only 25 weeks and 4 days! He looked at me kind of funny but that was it. Said well that would be why I was having so much pain this last month because he jumped from being on time to 6 weeks early. Crazy....Did not think nothing of it other than he better watch me so I don't get to big.

Then this week read about a women who just delivered a 14 lb baby!!! OMG right! Well started reading about it and it was my story so far and the doc did not think the baby was going to be big even though she was measuring so far a head from about 5 months on. I am so worried this is going to happen to me. I have been induced with all 3 of mine the first two a week early and they where 8lbs 2oz and 8lbs 7oz. My last one was induced 2 weeks early and was 8lb 2oz. I have never had gestational diabetes either. Every one of them was measuring about 3 weeks ahead of term. SO with my past 3 it really scares me that this is happening. The other thing someones said is that there could still be a twin in there hiding very well...possible I know I have read where women give birth thinking it is one and surprise there is another one. I am worried that either one will happen the 2nd would be better than a 14 lb baby that is for sure! I don't know what to think and my poor body hurts from this sudden growth spurt this little guy had. My back is killing me and people about drop dead when I say that I am due in June! LOL not that every pregnancy they have not said "wow your big" or "are you sure its not twins" but this time I got "Sweetie you are so cute..any day now?" me "no not til June" her " Oh my sweetie I hope it comes early you look like you could pop. Good luck" Yeah not fun to hear but I know I am big too and now it is confirmed he is too. I have been praying for no more than a 9 lb baby please even if it is 2 no more than 9 lbs LOL. I know God will take care of me and if things get to bad surely the doc will induce if it get too bad. I am worried about bed rest for the first time during the pregnancy! This would not be a good thing for my other 3 who get worried now if I say " oh hold on mommy is hurting" they don't want me to be stuck on the couch again.

Please pray that this works out...he changes my due date if thing stay like this or orders a sonogram to see what is going on in there. Just makes me laugh because Sandler was normal during the last sonogram and now he is just huge. I know its not the weight because I have only put on about 8 lbs all together!!! Yeah not much at all for 26 weeks. Crazy baby in there LOL. I cant wait to see what happens next. Pray my body will take care and keep him in til he is viable too.

4 hours of work

As we start working to home school only house next year I am making plans to really start now so that it is not such a shock to us with a new baby and new way of life for Paisley/all of us. We where taking the kids out of mother's day out because we ran into big money problems this year and really cant afford the $320 a month payments for it. Wow right it was either keep my new car or pay for school....the car won! We went to school today to say bye to our friends and pick there stuff up and while telling Keyton's teachers that we just cant do it and we maybe moving around the end of the month to the start of April. Oh yes that's right Tryon's new job offer is in Abilene so we maybe moving back if he gets the job. We should know this week sometime. Anyways the director of the school over heard me and told me it was no problem to let them stay this month or as long as we needed to help out...FREE of charge. WOW I am blown away and as soon as Paisley heard that she said "Mom bring me my lunch Bye" and walked right into class. I tried to say no its ok but she would not take no for an answer! Made me cry because she said that they are not ready to say good bye to my kids and that it was fine and we are good in the money department. Wow I really did not think people with big hearts still worked in the real world. My heart is over joyed and the kids are so excited to stay for a few more weeks.
Anyways Back to home school.... Because I was thinking Mother's Day Out was over I spent the weekend and most of last night getting together a months worth of Preschool ready for the kids. With no work books to go off of like next year it was a little longer than I thought. LOL We are still going to home school and Mother's Day out for now and then if we move it will be only Home school til the fall when Keyton and Brezlyn (maybe if it works out) will go to Mother's day out in Abilene. I am so excited to start the experiments, games and more that i have found to go along with what we are learning! I went to the library today to get the books to go along with it too for circle time. This is going to be so much fun and I am glad we are starting before Little Sandler gets here in a few months! That way it wont be so much new on my plate when Fall Kindergarten gets here. Kids are excited to and the Art is going to be fun. I did find out how easy it is to convert thing into all three levels...My teacher side has been reawaken and ready for this. This is just what I needed to get going and all my teacher training is going to come in handy!!! I already have something made from school projects so that will help me out too. If you come to our house it will be filled with education and fun! Can't wait to start in the am with our first day of school. :) Hope the kids love it too.

Praying for the right road

Well I have a lot of things on my mind tonight....2 or 3 weeks ago Dad told us almost joking that there was an opening at the Mr. Gattie's in Abilene. We blew it off thinking it was just silly and went on. Monday night my dad called Tryon 2 times which is not the normal. The message said that the pay would be a great increase to what we are making at Rosa's and the owner (friend of the family) really wants Tryon. A good christian/family man to run the store in Abilene and was asking my dad and mom so much about Tryon they had to tell us everything. We talked almost all night about the things it would mean to move back and if it was worth it. Today I made a pros and cons list for moving. What we would be giving up and gaining in the proses. The money increase is amazing and as long as we still live with in our means could do so much for our family expecaly with another one on the way. It could also open the door to another baby in the future. Tryon talked with the owner today and is going to talk with him again in the morning about this. He is in Abilene right now and was busy when Tryon got off and had time to talk with him. He had some questions about hours etc. that he is looking into for him. We started just to see what houses are out there to rent to also help curve our chocie. Needless to say my mind is going crazy with everything and it would be a fast move if it happens. I know we could really use the increase in pay and it would help our family out so much. Help us get out of dept and on the right path. It is hard to leave again but if this is where God leads our family than we will go. I am ready to know just so I can start the process of going through things/getting rid of things/packing up yet again. Pray for our family and this chocies we are making. Help the door to open or for another one to open instead.

Pleading for Prayers

Last night I got some bad news from my cousin that is just so heavy on my heart today. She is the one who has the 7yr. daughter with acute sickle cell leukiemia. Last night she tells me that her daughter has had blood in her urin and in her stool over this weekend, her levels are super low much lower than they should be right now, and she is not gaining the weight she needs to be. They are flying in 4 specailest to look at her this week and run test after test to see what they can do for her and to find out why she had this sudden drop in levels and the blood. It is so bad that they are skipping the normal radiation/chemo thing and going strait to looking for bone marrow for her. It is not looking good right now at all. I know God can do wonderfully amazing things but my heart is just so heavy with this news. I cant imagine being her mother right now and having to really face the death issue already after just a year of fighting. Please pray she can have just a little longer with her daughter or healing completely. It has been so hard to watch and to be here for her just breaks my heart when she is crying on the phone with me because she does not want the kids to see it. I know she is doing the best she can to keep it together and I just wish I could help more than I can. Still pulls on those strings with me and Brezlyn's first 3 months of life and I know that is why she calls me more because to a point I understand more than anyone. Life is hard and I am so glad that she was able to enjoy Christmas this year with out feeling sick. It was good to see her almost back to her normal little self. Please pray for her and her family. Thanks

Number 4 is...

Well today was the big day...the day we found out what little Number 4 is!! We gave the kids a gift with gender clothes in it for the baby when it comes home and that is how we told them. Then we took these pics for the family to tell everyone. We are so very blessed.

Baby

#

4

is.....

Yes its true

Sandler Holden Condra

at 21 weeks prego!

We are an even family now LOL. Everyone is so so excited but Keyton is just over the moon. Everytime we say "hey your having a brother" he screams "YEAH...NO MORE SISTERS" It is so sweet and cant believe it. Sandler was not shy about showing it off and made sure we saw it about 5 or more times. He did not ever show us his little face but we did get to see all his organs, arms, legs, and everything looked good. He is a little mover and it is just so great to know it is a he...the first name would have been the same if he was a girl but nice to know! Love this little guy so much and cant wait to hold him in the next 4 months or so. Hoping he grows stronger and bigger every day. We are truely blessed!

well Allergy is worse

Well As you all know Keyton is really allergic to wheat/gluten and msg. While he had the flu this week I pulled out some hand sanitizer from Bath and Body Works (which all their products have wheat in it). I was using it and then caught Keyton using it....Needless to say his hands, arms, mouth, and legs broke out in a rash. We where worried it was the meds because he has never had a problem with touching wheat products just ingesting them. Well he has no more rash after 2 days of benadryl and he is still on his other meds too. So that would mean that he is not intolerant to touch which would explain the play dough too. I am so sad for him but I am so glad we know now. Glad we can stop this early and keep him safe but it makes me so sad that he is getting worse and makes me wonder if he is going to be so bad that it would kill him in a few mins. I am scared for him every day. Another big reason we are homeschooling and not sending him to elementary school. Kids just dont understand what it does to him and teachers have so many kids to watch to really watch him.

One really neat thing for my little guy and for people like us....The Blue Wiggle Anthony has a son who is highly (scary) allergic to peanuts. Now Anthony is trying to make people and kids aware of the dangers of allergies and trying to get more doctors to prescribe the Epi-pen to more kids who are like his son and Keyton. They are even making a song for kids who listen to the Wiggles to understand that you have to ask before you feed your friends and make sure you keep your self safe from allergies. I really love this and for anyone with kids like Keyton understand how much this means to us parents. Keyton heard the song and loved that the song was all about people like him. I love it and I hope it works and people see how scary allergies can be.

Praying for the best..

Well tonight is a first for me, my family and for poor little Keyton. He was not himself all day, not playing at the discovery center with his friends from school but no fever. They called me and I picked him us anyway with him saying that his head hurt really bad but still no fever at 12. Checked him all day and when he woke up at 4:oo from nap he was running a fever so we loaded up, took the girls to my moms and ran to the doc. Got in and they started first off with testing him for strep, flaringitus, and Flu with how he was feeling. The Doc came in asked when his fever started checked him out and told me " I have bad news and worst news...He has strep and the flu, his limp nodes are really swollen. But good thing he just started the fever and you got him in soon as it started. That will help him get over it faster. Also get the contagiousness out of him sooner so that hopefully no one else gets it". It is not contagious til the fever so that is a good thing and in 24 to 48 hrs he will not be at all, depending on how bad he has got it. No school for this boy on thursday and I am praying he does not get us all sick too. I sprayed down the house and car with Lysol and will do again tomorrow night to help keep us well. Washing my bed stuff tonight so that we dont get it after he slept in out bed at nap. Please pray we stay well and that he is better soon too. He feels so so bad tonight.

Big dreams, Little boy!

Well on Friday night Tryon was cooking chines food for us at home. That way it is gluten free and MSG free for our little guy. Keyton was helping/watching him from start to finish, which is a normal thing for him. He just loves to help us cook and do as much as we will let him. While he was cooking I asked Keyton if he would love to be a chef when he grew up. Keyton was excited that it was even something you could do for a job. He said "Yes Mommy and at my restaurant I would cook all Gluten free food. Gluten free chines, breads, cookies, and everything" He goes on to say "I want people like me to have a safe restaurant to eat at and you can come but not in my kitchen" Me... "why not? I would not get to see you?" Keyton..."Yes I would come out to see yo and see if you liked my food" He wants to name it Keyton's Gluten Free Food. So cute and I love to see his dreams. Also that he wants to help people like him too just makes my heart smile. After the fun day he had just Thursday I am not shocked at all and if he was to do this he would help out so many people. Good thing he has a good teacher of cooking like Tryon and his family. I am no help in this area but he does have a passion for it already. My little guy wants to be a Gluten free chef! So cool and I think I have a really great little guy!

never ending

It really seems like no matter how hard I try to be a good mom and keep my highly allergic little guy away from wheat it does not work. He played with Play dough at school today and has never before had a problem with it as long as he washes up very very well/cleans under the finger nails and all. Well tonight today he comes home with a little bit red cheeks did not think anything of it. By bed time they where so red it looked like some one had slapped him so so hard so many times. On top of this his mouth was swelling around the lips and tongue a little where it made him talk funny. I am so sad for him and upset he did not tell me. For sure he will not play with play dough ever again and I will have to make him some to take to school or something. I am really tempted to take him out but dont want him to feel as if he was bad or punish him for something he cant control but my fears are starting to come true about some one else watching him. I dont want to put him in a bubble but I dont want him to die from his reactions if they dont catch it in time. He is so suttle and it comes on so quietly that I miss it sometimes. I love my son and hate that this even has to be a part of his life. If you have a child with horrible allergies you understand my fears and things are getting to me with it. After the trip to the ER that took 3 meds, cream, oatmeal baths and a week and 1/2 to over come I am one scared mommy. My heart is breaking and I am so scared this is going to get him one day and I cant deal with the thought of it being because I did not watch him good. I am so confused and scared for him and at home we are really good about watching everything he touches, eats or anything. I even got rid of all the Bath and Body product form the house because they contain wheat. We dont even go in that store any more. My heart just cant take much more of seeing him hurt and scared that he is going to die. So sad (good though) that he knows the word Gluten and knows to ask people "Is it gluten free or have msg?" then to say no thanks if it does. My 2 year old even knows the things at home He cant have and knows the word wheat free. I am so sick of this allergy thing and the worst it get for him the more I know there is not a chance he will grow out of it. Yet another scary thing for me. I hate he is so different than his friends and even the rest of the family. He hates it too and it breaks my heart to see him feel this way. I know we do everything we can to make it feel as if he is not different like making him waffles just like we do for us but for him, Tryon even found some blueberry ones for us and some for him to not leave him out. I make sure at every party he has his own special cookie or cupcake and we even eat a lot more gluten free foods when we cook casseroles. I pray he will be fine and maybe grow out of it but my heart is hurting tonight and I am in tears for him. I will be up most the night checking him and in 4 hours waking him up to take more benadryl to help him feel better in the am. God show me the right way...please I am so scared for him every day.

Wow God is great

Wow after my last post of letting the hurt feeling and word not rule my life any more and praying that things get better in my relationships with these people. Already one has turned for the better. I am so happy about that and hope it continues. My heart feels so much better today and God has shown me that things can change if you give it only to him. I am really happy and i know not every relationship will be fast healing like this one was but I can wait to see what comes. I needed this lift this week and I know God knew that. Wish I would have let go of things a long time ago but I was having a hard time. Ready to see what God has instore for us now. :)

Thank you Lord for showing me that things can get better. I know it is not a garenty that all of them will but it is refreshing to see the changes in just one. Help me stay on this path and not go back to where I was. I am ready to start this new way of thinking.

Letting Go..

I have been struggling so much lately with comments made to me by people I love. All on how I my kids have allergies, how I dont watch them well, their medical problems being my fault etc. They are not good comments and it has really weigh my heart down and I have been in a depressed state the last few months with it. I was crying a lot and trying so hard to make people like me so much and I am just tired. I will not stop being nice to you that is just not me but I have made a good choice to not expect you to show me the same. I dont need it and God is the only one who I will let judge me. After a lesson at church about how sometimes when you are on the right path he has lead you down even the loved ones in you family will turn their backs on you. He went on to say that it is letting Satan win to let them get to you and I have been letting Satan win but no longer will I. I know there will be times that it still gets to me but I am going to trust in the Lord and what is right for my family. Remember what is right for me and My family may not be right for you. We are all trying to raise healthy happy children who love God, life and family...and we all do things differently but it does not mean we are wrong. Now if I was doing something to hurt my children yes that would be a cause to tell me in a good way that I am doing things a little off. But My kids are feed, clean, Godly, loving and happy. Not saying I have all the answers I am still figuring things out from day to day but I also have let God lead me to things with my kids. I try new things with them and work so hard to put them first.

To the things said about me....Allergies are real and breast feeding would not have prevented them, If you want to breast feed please do but dont tell me I am making weak/non smart children my kids are healthier than a most my friends who do breast feed and smart as can be, I did not kill my baby just because you think I am unhealthy... I eat everything I am allowed, say bye bye to caffeine, honey, teas of any kind and stay healthy. Remember we all think we know it all before that little baby comes into the world and rocks everything we thought we knew...you dont know til you get there, I dont need to take a vacation just to spend time with the hubby but if you need that than by all means do it but just because you need it does not mean that is something I need....I would not enjoy myself because I love having the kids here and so does Tryon even on our dates we can stop talking about them because they are our whole life and we would rather spend the money on a fun family vacation than us, Home schooling is the right choose for me and my kids...may not be for you and that is fine. Lastly I will protect my kids from anyone who would hurt them and no one can spank/hit my kids period.

With that I let it go and hope with this I can lay down the hurt too. Lord I hope you also heal my heart and show me the way I need to go with my life. I Lay this all at your feet and hope you can in time heal the relationships lost. I trust in you and will follow you. I still will be me and put my heart into my family.

Getting ready..

The last few weeks I have been looking things up for our new adventure. I have found so many fun and exciting projects and experiments for Paisley (even Keyton and Brezlyn too) for her kindergarten year. We are going to be a very hands on school where most the learning comes from seeing, feeling and doing. We will have the work books to so that they prove their work for the system and so that they know how to work out of books for later in life. I am so excited and cant wait for our income tax to come in so that I can by our Kindergarten package to start looking over for the Fall. Paisley and Keyton are so so excited to start in the fall as well as I am. I love seeing that spark back in her eyes about school. She has been so bord with school work right now and I see it in Keyton too. Now with the things we have been looking up and the thought of school at home they both are excited to start soon. I still cant believe that Paisley is almost ready for this stage of life. I really dont feel old enough to have a kindergartner in just a few months. :) We will partly home school the other two this fall but it will really not be any different than what I do with them already. I really have always been teaching them on my own and making sure they loved learning and always answering their questions with real answers. Just today Keyton came home from school talking about the planets and asking me more questions about them. I was so excited bout this and love that they learn so easy now as long as you encourage them. I am ready to get this house ready for the next year and already start putting a time in for sitting down learning for all 3 kids. Needless to say this house is ready for the fall to start up and school to start up.... I am so excited when Paisley tells people so excitedly that she is going to be home schooled!!! Makes the choice we made feel so good when they are excited about it too. I will stop now but ready for this and so excited had to get some of it out!

She is 2! Thank you GOD

Today as I celebrate my Miracle baby's 2nd birthday I am over joyed that she is healthy, strong, and the fears of cancer are far behind her. People who have preemie babies or had something life threatening happen to there child always say that every birthday they have that they could not have had is a wonderful thing. I am here to say the same...It is the best thing and has made me love every ones birthday even more! Brezlyn is 2....Wow I am so glad I can say that and know she is fine! I held my 2 year old tonight for bed time and was over come with the joy and emotions of her first few months of life. I could not let her go because I was so happy she is here. Life would not be the same with out her and it just shows me so much more that she was the one we where meant to have. She is amazing and I know she is going to be a wonderful Big sister in June. I love how outgoing she is and how she always makes everyone laugh. I remember the bad but have seen Gods work and it is amazing. I dont see how people dont believe in him when miracles still happen and she is one of them. My heart goes out to my sweet cousin who is going through the main cancer that they thought my baby had. It hurts so much to see her hurting, scared and to know (unless a cure is found) her life is cute short. My heart goes out to all the mommies and daddies out there who are going through these things and hope for miracles for them as God gave to us.

Brezlyn as you turn 2 this year Let me be the first to tell you how big of a blessing it is to see. God has already done so much in your life and used you to show me and other that miracles do happen. Not just to other far away, not to people in the bible, but to us to you! You dont remember it but Mommy and Daddy do. We also remember the over wellming joy to hear you where just fine. Those words are the best in the world little girl and you are touched by God. Never forget that God healed you, took away the things that would cause you harm with no surgery. You are a beautiful little girl who is so full of spirit, love, joy, sillyness and you love to laugh! Your smile brightens our day and everyone around you. God is going to do wonderful things with you. I cant wait to see and I am so greatful to see the person you will become. Enjoy your day little girl and know you are loved by all. I know I will enjoy every moment with you and your siblings. Happy birthday sweet baby!

New adventure for the whole family

Well we have made a big choice for our kids this last week. We have been talking about this for almost a year now and I am so glad we have made the choice one way or the other. Starting in the fall Paisley will be Kindregarden age...Wow really crazy to think about that. Any ways I have not been looking forward to this day since she was born really. I dont like the thought of sending her away for 8hrs 5 days a week. The thought just made me sad and scared me about it. She does not like the idea of being gone from us all the time either. 2 days she is fine with but not most of the time like it will be. I have thought of homeschool for a long time. Then I talked with my aunt who is a 2nd grade teacher here in amarillo and she told me with the poor quality of learn now she would homeschool her kids. They have cut the special needs classes and now she has so many distractions that the kids are not learning at all. She has so many kids that are not on the same level as even Paisley now. Sad very sad...therefore the others are not learning on the level needed at this age. We have talked alot over the holidays about it and then so have Tryon and I. We will be A Homeschooling house!!! I am excited and have done alot of resurch on everything we need and the requirements etc. I have found the curiculum I want to use for Paisley and yes we are doing all subjects and this set comes with experements ready to do. Love that she will get to grow her own butterflies and then let them go. It will be fun. Paisley is so excited and cant wait to have me as her teacher! We will copy the work books so that Keyton will be able to use them the next year for kindergarden but I will have to get his experements he already wants to grow frogs! He will still do Mother's Day out next year and when the other 2 are 3 they will too. I like the program there and it will help them learn how to sit and do work before I get them. Also I love the bible learning they do there. We dont know How long we will homeschool and are thinking just elementry and then thinking about it again. That way we have control over the advancement of the education. Excited to get the books and look them over soon. I feel as if this is the right choice for our family and with both kids being a head of their friends already I know this is the right choice for them. I will be getting involved with a homeschool group so that they will still make friends and the social part of life. Then there is always church and their friends there.

Full year curriculum package includes:100 Words Kids Need To Read By 1st
Grade Me Myself & I (Kindergarten Round-Up)

US History
KindergartenPhonics

Kindergarten Student WorkbookIncredible Kid -

Learn To Print The Alphabet With DVDSeasons

Poster KindergartenMy Body Poster
KindergartenAll About My Body

All About The OceanListen,

Read and Learn Student BookReading

Skill Sharpeners K -

Connecting School and Home
KindergartenSpell and Write -

Skill Sharpeners

Connecting School and Home

Spelling Connections workbook

Butterfly Garden For Ages 4-40 Watch Them Grow! Let Them Go!

Workbooks covering:Following DirectionsFinish the Picture

Beginning and Ending Sounds

Patterns & Sequencing

Same & DifferentShapes & Sizes

MazesUpper & Lower Case Letters

Set of 16 Student Readers

Shoe-tying Manipulative (for learning to
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POP for SIGHT WORDS game

Smarts Squares Hands-On Matching
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Crayons

Glue

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Scissors

Finger Spacer

Pencil Pack 2
Pencil Box

Blank Puzzle - Rectangle

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Raised Line Writing System

Mathematics Kindergarten WorkbookDVD's -
Getting Ready for Kindergarten & Dance with the AnimalsSchedule For
Texts/Courses Other Than Electivesand MORE!

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