Overly big

Well as everyone knows I now 33weeks prego but the baby is measuring around 37 weeks and my poor belly is around 41 weeks now. This meaning this Mommy is tired and my body is so ready to be done! My body has been giving big signs that labor is trying to come...I would love it if it does at any point! The doc told me not to listen to my body and to keep him in til June but dont think this body or this little guy is going to make it to June. I am thinking some time around the 16 or so but Tryon does not think we will make it til then. I will be happy to welcome him no matter when and we will work with what we get even if it is the NICU for a little bit. I go in to the doc on wed. and I will bet you anything that I am dialated even if it is just a 1. This little guy is loving to send pains in that area all week sometimes to the point I have to stop walking to let it pass. I also have a few other signs but they are not some people talk about...still no blood though so that is good. He has dropped now that is forsure and all my friends agree with that one...even Tryon and he never can tell right away. I even have that "I got to get things done" feeling...nesting. I just cant seem to sit still I have to get the rooms ready, clothes ready, etc. Now I really dont think it is like this week or anything but I feel like it is not that far off. The only hope I have is that he waits til my parents are back from vacation so that I dont have to worry about the other 3 kids. I know I have friends and other family who will help but I would feel alot better if it was my Mom watching them over night/s. We will see...I have tried to stop worring about him and let it be. I am not trying to make him come or trying to stop him from coming. The doc took me off light duty so I am just going about life as normal. I know God and Sandler know when is the right time for him to come and I have been praying for him not to be more than 10lbs and healthy.  Hoping God listens to that prayer with all my heart. After I let go and said ok to the possability of NICU my stress has lifted alot. Now it is not all the way gone because no Mom wants to see her new baby in the NICU at all and wants to be able to just sit and hold that sweet baby. I will say that I know he will be fine something is just telling me that he was never mint to have a June due date that he was the first prego test I took the month before and that I lost a twin or just bleed for no reason therefor he would be due in May. I am also kind of excited and scared to go into labor on my own...Never have before and been told with how fast I go being induesed I better get to the hospital fast if my water breaks on its own. I guess for this seasoned Mom there are still a few new things to do LOL.

Wost part of being a Mom

So as you all know my kids are just like their Mommy....mainly Keyton but the girls have both had a few bumps along the way too. The latest is little Brezlyn having to have stitches in her lip. Yes when they do get hurt they do it good. I hate when they get hurt like this and the worst part for me is feeling so helpless to their pain. There is nothing I can do to make the pain go away and having to watch them hurt and hear them cry over it breaks my heart. This is the part of mother hood that I cant stand and makes me feel like I have failed them in some way. I really wish I could take their pain for my self so that they would not have to go through the things they have. Like with Bee this time it hurt me to watch them give her that shot in the lip/cut and then stitch it up. Made me cry for her and with Keyton and his broken bones it just makes me sad to watch the active little boy sit and hurt. Paisley thankfully has only had to big boo boos and both where fine after a week or so. Both spranges just sore mainly but I still hate she hurt and was embarassed by the wrap/brace.  Thankfully God has made us to take the pain (even if not well) and we heal fast even if it needed the help of a Doctor. I know it will make them stronger and more careful....just wish they would listen when Mommy says...."If you don't stop ____ then you will get hurt!" Why do I have to have the kids that have to test that one out every time just to see if mommy is telling a stoy or not! :/ Oh well I am getting my pay back early for the things I put my mom through. :) Thanks mom for all those time you said "One day you will have a kid and they will make your heart stop and you will worry about them everytime they get hurt" Yes mom it is true it is so different watching them get hurt and trying to to worry about how bad they feel. I feel for you with me and Jaden now! I hope this is just a stage and they stop testing what Mommy says. I really wish I could put them in a bubble but Keyton could get hurt in there...who breaks there elbo by rolling over on it while playing games! Yes at times we have no idea how they did the things they did but that is life with 3 young hyper kids I guess and and very prego partly bed ridden Mommy!

Disappointed again....

Well today I had my baby apt got up with high hopes to hear something about what my crazy baby is doing. Got the kids to my mom's and head to the apt alone, Tryon had to work today so it was just me. Get there and got my hopes up because I got some good news my blood pressure was down and nothing to worry about. Went to the room and waited for the doc. He comes in measures me at 39 (I am 31 1/2) no surprise there from last week. Baby's heart was sounding fine like always. Then he says "If you have no questions I will see you in two weeks." I say "I was told you would go over the sonogram from last week" He then starts flipping through my chart and says "Ok your fluid levels are not high and the baby is just a big baby" Me "So should I be measuring 8 weeks early then" He said "No your measuring fine for how far you are" I was mad thinking what the crap! I say " but I am only 31 1/2 weeks? Should I really be this big" He Says "Well you look like you have big babies so just looks like he is going to be a lot bigger. Expect him to be about 10 lbs" WHAT THE CRAP!!!! I then go on to tell him "I have never measured this far a head and all my kids where induced 1 to 2 weeks early and that big" doc.."Well if you cervices is right we may just do that closer to the date but we don't think your date is wrong." I then tell him about the pos. pregnancy test that I took the month before and then bleed after and asked him if that could be this baby and he just ignored me completely about it. Tells me that he is right about my dates and that all the signs I am feeling about the baby coming in the next 3 to 4 weeks to ignore them because it is too early! LOL right like my body is going to ignore them. I am happy that he will induce me if my body is showing signs of dilation and readiness and I always do early so here is to hoping that will be on my side.

I leave the office upset not about the fact that he has not changed my dates but by the fact he will not let me talk about my concerns/fear etc with out brushing me off like I know nothing. I am so upset by the way I have been treated by this doc. and for sure will not recommend him to anyone. I am fine if my date should not change but the fact he cant tell me why my body is going crazy with a real explanation and just says I still think your date is right or we are right about the date....Makes me so mad and hurt. I am not a new mommy and have had 3 pregnancies before this. I do not want to deliver a 10 lb or more baby just because he does not want to change my due date or even listen to how I feel about things that only I know are going on in my body. I am no longer on light duty and I am happy about that one. But my heart is hurting because the man I have in trusted with my care and the safety of my baby boy does not seem to care about the people he works for.

I also told Tryon an over view of what went on at the doc and how I could not even express my fears with out him brushing them off. I also told him I was told to prepare for a 10 lb baby at least. Tryon is mad too..anyone who knows my Hubby knows it takes a lot to make him mad. He said when we go back in on the 2nd he is going and he is talking to him. Tryon knows I don't get scared with pregnancy pain and little things but that this last few weeks I have been scared for me and my baby. All I know is that he did not like me just being ignored and told to prepare for a overly big baby!!!! Its not the doc who has to push that out.

Please pray for the best yet again and I know if he comes on his own there is nothing this doc or I can do about it. I just really don't' want a baby over 9 lbs. I do this with no drugs and the thought of a 10 lb baby makes me sick and scared as if it was my first delivery again. I don't want to get my first stitches ever or worst have to have a c-section over all of this. I am trying to give it over to God and just relax but the fears are always knocking at my door. Help me to let it go and trust that God will help my body to take and handle what ever happens.

frustrated!

I am so so so frustrated right now....
Went into the Doc. this am for my 30 week apt. I am measuring 38 weeks and my blood pressure is a little high! Crud two more weeks ahead than I was expecting. I told him all about the pain and the contractions I am having along with my fatigue. He checked me and I am not dilated so that is about the only good news I got today. He told me that I am on partial bed rest...in other words only can do the things I need to do to take care of my kids, very little house work and keep my feet up as much as I can to keep Sandler from coming now. That is something I now have to worry about with my blood pressure/bigness. He did not say much to me or really let me talk much about how I was feeling I have to start coming in every week now rather than every two weeks. I also was set up for another sonogram. It was really neat to see the baby this far along on the screen and he already has chunky cheeks. He looks great and everything with him is fine. She said that my fluid was not really high and that he looked like he was not measuring big. But what makes me mad is that he would not sit still so that she could get real good measurements and it took for ever to get the ones she did. I also don't trust the your baby is this big thing because I have so many friends have a sono done told oh your baby is only going to be about 6 lbs and then they come out 9 lbs or so. Yeah dont trust that at all! She said that he would talk to me next week when I came back in for my apt. She also said that I am just going to be big LOL. Easy for her to say when she is not carrying this tummy that is big as how many weeks I was when I delivered Brezlyn! I really dont know what to think. I know my body from my last 3 pregnancies and this one feels so different and not right at this point and HE WILL not listen to me. This baby feels big big big...and I have no idea how in the world my body will make it 8 to 10 more weeks like I should. Also I dont know how he is not going to be 10 to 14 lbs. Not happy and not looking good for me. I cant sit for 10 weeks with out going crazy!!!!!! Nothing is done for him to come and my poor body is feeling like I am ready to have him. I have never ever said I am ready to be done this early at all! I dont complain about the normal pain of pregnancy to any one but maybe Tryon just to get it out that I hurt that day (that at least makes the normal pain better some how). But This time around it is the normal pain but only way early into it making me think I am in for an early delivery! That scares me too and my little heart is just breaking right now. I am so scared and I have never been scared during my pregnancy (other than the fear of labor with Paisley) and have had it easy I will say. Everyone feels sorry for me when I say I have 10 weeks left and even his nurse is on my side and she is part of the reason he checked me today for dilation. She said I could call her Thursday to see if he is going to look into changing my due date because of the sonogram or my measuring 8weeks early. Makes me mad because my doc in Abilene would have already moved up my due date....listened to my fears but that is because she is a woman understands the pain of pregnancy! I just keep saying I need to make it just 6 weeks to have him out of the NICU that and him not to be more than 9 lbs is what I am praying for right now!!!!! I am so sad and cried all day by this news. Please Pray that God lays it on him if my due date needs to be moved up or to help him see that I am so scared and upset right now. Also pray this does not end bad with Sandler in the NICU or worst, him being what I fear the most more that 10 lbs or that I will have heart problems with the blood pressure. THIS for sure is a different experience from me....I have never had any problems while prego and now all of this!!!!

Baby is still growing...

At 26 weeks...

Now at 29 1/2 weeks...just over 3 weeks!

Wow I am getting way to big for just almost 30 weeks. I have never been this big this early ever. You Would never guess that I have only gained 12 lbs total if that. Thank God he has not dropped all the way like I thought he had this week. I still look like he is just where he needs to be. He maybe finding his way down but not all the way just yet. I go in on Monday and hope to know more then. Tryon is also going with me to make sure we find out what is going on with this little guy. I want another sono to make sure everything looks good and that he is ok/not too big. If he changed my Due date I could be due around May 18th or so. Praying that I do not end up on bed rest. Baby boy needs to take a small break from growing LOL so that this mommy can still be with my other kids like normal.

I want him to be happy and healthy but I also want to walk with out pain.

:)