Praying for the best..

Well tonight is a first for me, my family and for poor little Keyton. He was not himself all day, not playing at the discovery center with his friends from school but no fever. They called me and I picked him us anyway with him saying that his head hurt really bad but still no fever at 12. Checked him all day and when he woke up at 4:oo from nap he was running a fever so we loaded up, took the girls to my moms and ran to the doc. Got in and they started first off with testing him for strep, flaringitus, and Flu with how he was feeling. The Doc came in asked when his fever started checked him out and told me " I have bad news and worst news...He has strep and the flu, his limp nodes are really swollen. But good thing he just started the fever and you got him in soon as it started. That will help him get over it faster. Also get the contagiousness out of him sooner so that hopefully no one else gets it". It is not contagious til the fever so that is a good thing and in 24 to 48 hrs he will not be at all, depending on how bad he has got it. No school for this boy on thursday and I am praying he does not get us all sick too. I sprayed down the house and car with Lysol and will do again tomorrow night to help keep us well. Washing my bed stuff tonight so that we dont get it after he slept in out bed at nap. Please pray we stay well and that he is better soon too. He feels so so bad tonight.

Big dreams, Little boy!

Well on Friday night Tryon was cooking chines food for us at home. That way it is gluten free and MSG free for our little guy. Keyton was helping/watching him from start to finish, which is a normal thing for him. He just loves to help us cook and do as much as we will let him. While he was cooking I asked Keyton if he would love to be a chef when he grew up. Keyton was excited that it was even something you could do for a job. He said "Yes Mommy and at my restaurant I would cook all Gluten free food. Gluten free chines, breads, cookies, and everything" He goes on to say "I want people like me to have a safe restaurant to eat at and you can come but not in my kitchen" Me... "why not? I would not get to see you?" Keyton..."Yes I would come out to see yo and see if you liked my food" He wants to name it Keyton's Gluten Free Food. So cute and I love to see his dreams. Also that he wants to help people like him too just makes my heart smile. After the fun day he had just Thursday I am not shocked at all and if he was to do this he would help out so many people. Good thing he has a good teacher of cooking like Tryon and his family. I am no help in this area but he does have a passion for it already. My little guy wants to be a Gluten free chef! So cool and I think I have a really great little guy!

never ending

It really seems like no matter how hard I try to be a good mom and keep my highly allergic little guy away from wheat it does not work. He played with Play dough at school today and has never before had a problem with it as long as he washes up very very well/cleans under the finger nails and all. Well tonight today he comes home with a little bit red cheeks did not think anything of it. By bed time they where so red it looked like some one had slapped him so so hard so many times. On top of this his mouth was swelling around the lips and tongue a little where it made him talk funny. I am so sad for him and upset he did not tell me. For sure he will not play with play dough ever again and I will have to make him some to take to school or something. I am really tempted to take him out but dont want him to feel as if he was bad or punish him for something he cant control but my fears are starting to come true about some one else watching him. I dont want to put him in a bubble but I dont want him to die from his reactions if they dont catch it in time. He is so suttle and it comes on so quietly that I miss it sometimes. I love my son and hate that this even has to be a part of his life. If you have a child with horrible allergies you understand my fears and things are getting to me with it. After the trip to the ER that took 3 meds, cream, oatmeal baths and a week and 1/2 to over come I am one scared mommy. My heart is breaking and I am so scared this is going to get him one day and I cant deal with the thought of it being because I did not watch him good. I am so confused and scared for him and at home we are really good about watching everything he touches, eats or anything. I even got rid of all the Bath and Body product form the house because they contain wheat. We dont even go in that store any more. My heart just cant take much more of seeing him hurt and scared that he is going to die. So sad (good though) that he knows the word Gluten and knows to ask people "Is it gluten free or have msg?" then to say no thanks if it does. My 2 year old even knows the things at home He cant have and knows the word wheat free. I am so sick of this allergy thing and the worst it get for him the more I know there is not a chance he will grow out of it. Yet another scary thing for me. I hate he is so different than his friends and even the rest of the family. He hates it too and it breaks my heart to see him feel this way. I know we do everything we can to make it feel as if he is not different like making him waffles just like we do for us but for him, Tryon even found some blueberry ones for us and some for him to not leave him out. I make sure at every party he has his own special cookie or cupcake and we even eat a lot more gluten free foods when we cook casseroles. I pray he will be fine and maybe grow out of it but my heart is hurting tonight and I am in tears for him. I will be up most the night checking him and in 4 hours waking him up to take more benadryl to help him feel better in the am. God show me the right way...please I am so scared for him every day.

Wow God is great

Wow after my last post of letting the hurt feeling and word not rule my life any more and praying that things get better in my relationships with these people. Already one has turned for the better. I am so happy about that and hope it continues. My heart feels so much better today and God has shown me that things can change if you give it only to him. I am really happy and i know not every relationship will be fast healing like this one was but I can wait to see what comes. I needed this lift this week and I know God knew that. Wish I would have let go of things a long time ago but I was having a hard time. Ready to see what God has instore for us now. :)

Thank you Lord for showing me that things can get better. I know it is not a garenty that all of them will but it is refreshing to see the changes in just one. Help me stay on this path and not go back to where I was. I am ready to start this new way of thinking.

Letting Go..

I have been struggling so much lately with comments made to me by people I love. All on how I my kids have allergies, how I dont watch them well, their medical problems being my fault etc. They are not good comments and it has really weigh my heart down and I have been in a depressed state the last few months with it. I was crying a lot and trying so hard to make people like me so much and I am just tired. I will not stop being nice to you that is just not me but I have made a good choice to not expect you to show me the same. I dont need it and God is the only one who I will let judge me. After a lesson at church about how sometimes when you are on the right path he has lead you down even the loved ones in you family will turn their backs on you. He went on to say that it is letting Satan win to let them get to you and I have been letting Satan win but no longer will I. I know there will be times that it still gets to me but I am going to trust in the Lord and what is right for my family. Remember what is right for me and My family may not be right for you. We are all trying to raise healthy happy children who love God, life and family...and we all do things differently but it does not mean we are wrong. Now if I was doing something to hurt my children yes that would be a cause to tell me in a good way that I am doing things a little off. But My kids are feed, clean, Godly, loving and happy. Not saying I have all the answers I am still figuring things out from day to day but I also have let God lead me to things with my kids. I try new things with them and work so hard to put them first.

To the things said about me....Allergies are real and breast feeding would not have prevented them, If you want to breast feed please do but dont tell me I am making weak/non smart children my kids are healthier than a most my friends who do breast feed and smart as can be, I did not kill my baby just because you think I am unhealthy... I eat everything I am allowed, say bye bye to caffeine, honey, teas of any kind and stay healthy. Remember we all think we know it all before that little baby comes into the world and rocks everything we thought we knew...you dont know til you get there, I dont need to take a vacation just to spend time with the hubby but if you need that than by all means do it but just because you need it does not mean that is something I need....I would not enjoy myself because I love having the kids here and so does Tryon even on our dates we can stop talking about them because they are our whole life and we would rather spend the money on a fun family vacation than us, Home schooling is the right choose for me and my kids...may not be for you and that is fine. Lastly I will protect my kids from anyone who would hurt them and no one can spank/hit my kids period.

With that I let it go and hope with this I can lay down the hurt too. Lord I hope you also heal my heart and show me the way I need to go with my life. I Lay this all at your feet and hope you can in time heal the relationships lost. I trust in you and will follow you. I still will be me and put my heart into my family.

Getting ready..

The last few weeks I have been looking things up for our new adventure. I have found so many fun and exciting projects and experiments for Paisley (even Keyton and Brezlyn too) for her kindergarten year. We are going to be a very hands on school where most the learning comes from seeing, feeling and doing. We will have the work books to so that they prove their work for the system and so that they know how to work out of books for later in life. I am so excited and cant wait for our income tax to come in so that I can by our Kindergarten package to start looking over for the Fall. Paisley and Keyton are so so excited to start in the fall as well as I am. I love seeing that spark back in her eyes about school. She has been so bord with school work right now and I see it in Keyton too. Now with the things we have been looking up and the thought of school at home they both are excited to start soon. I still cant believe that Paisley is almost ready for this stage of life. I really dont feel old enough to have a kindergartner in just a few months. :) We will partly home school the other two this fall but it will really not be any different than what I do with them already. I really have always been teaching them on my own and making sure they loved learning and always answering their questions with real answers. Just today Keyton came home from school talking about the planets and asking me more questions about them. I was so excited bout this and love that they learn so easy now as long as you encourage them. I am ready to get this house ready for the next year and already start putting a time in for sitting down learning for all 3 kids. Needless to say this house is ready for the fall to start up and school to start up.... I am so excited when Paisley tells people so excitedly that she is going to be home schooled!!! Makes the choice we made feel so good when they are excited about it too. I will stop now but ready for this and so excited had to get some of it out!

She is 2! Thank you GOD

Today as I celebrate my Miracle baby's 2nd birthday I am over joyed that she is healthy, strong, and the fears of cancer are far behind her. People who have preemie babies or had something life threatening happen to there child always say that every birthday they have that they could not have had is a wonderful thing. I am here to say the same...It is the best thing and has made me love every ones birthday even more! Brezlyn is 2....Wow I am so glad I can say that and know she is fine! I held my 2 year old tonight for bed time and was over come with the joy and emotions of her first few months of life. I could not let her go because I was so happy she is here. Life would not be the same with out her and it just shows me so much more that she was the one we where meant to have. She is amazing and I know she is going to be a wonderful Big sister in June. I love how outgoing she is and how she always makes everyone laugh. I remember the bad but have seen Gods work and it is amazing. I dont see how people dont believe in him when miracles still happen and she is one of them. My heart goes out to my sweet cousin who is going through the main cancer that they thought my baby had. It hurts so much to see her hurting, scared and to know (unless a cure is found) her life is cute short. My heart goes out to all the mommies and daddies out there who are going through these things and hope for miracles for them as God gave to us.

Brezlyn as you turn 2 this year Let me be the first to tell you how big of a blessing it is to see. God has already done so much in your life and used you to show me and other that miracles do happen. Not just to other far away, not to people in the bible, but to us to you! You dont remember it but Mommy and Daddy do. We also remember the over wellming joy to hear you where just fine. Those words are the best in the world little girl and you are touched by God. Never forget that God healed you, took away the things that would cause you harm with no surgery. You are a beautiful little girl who is so full of spirit, love, joy, sillyness and you love to laugh! Your smile brightens our day and everyone around you. God is going to do wonderful things with you. I cant wait to see and I am so greatful to see the person you will become. Enjoy your day little girl and know you are loved by all. I know I will enjoy every moment with you and your siblings. Happy birthday sweet baby!

New adventure for the whole family

Well we have made a big choice for our kids this last week. We have been talking about this for almost a year now and I am so glad we have made the choice one way or the other. Starting in the fall Paisley will be Kindregarden age...Wow really crazy to think about that. Any ways I have not been looking forward to this day since she was born really. I dont like the thought of sending her away for 8hrs 5 days a week. The thought just made me sad and scared me about it. She does not like the idea of being gone from us all the time either. 2 days she is fine with but not most of the time like it will be. I have thought of homeschool for a long time. Then I talked with my aunt who is a 2nd grade teacher here in amarillo and she told me with the poor quality of learn now she would homeschool her kids. They have cut the special needs classes and now she has so many distractions that the kids are not learning at all. She has so many kids that are not on the same level as even Paisley now. Sad very sad...therefore the others are not learning on the level needed at this age. We have talked alot over the holidays about it and then so have Tryon and I. We will be A Homeschooling house!!! I am excited and have done alot of resurch on everything we need and the requirements etc. I have found the curiculum I want to use for Paisley and yes we are doing all subjects and this set comes with experements ready to do. Love that she will get to grow her own butterflies and then let them go. It will be fun. Paisley is so excited and cant wait to have me as her teacher! We will copy the work books so that Keyton will be able to use them the next year for kindergarden but I will have to get his experements he already wants to grow frogs! He will still do Mother's Day out next year and when the other 2 are 3 they will too. I like the program there and it will help them learn how to sit and do work before I get them. Also I love the bible learning they do there. We dont know How long we will homeschool and are thinking just elementry and then thinking about it again. That way we have control over the advancement of the education. Excited to get the books and look them over soon. I feel as if this is the right choice for our family and with both kids being a head of their friends already I know this is the right choice for them. I will be getting involved with a homeschool group so that they will still make friends and the social part of life. Then there is always church and their friends there.

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