Heavy Heart

For those of you who still read this I am asking for some prayers. During this time of joy and holiday season my family has been hit hard. My cousins youngest girl Andi has been under going a lot of test lately because she has been extremely sick a lot this year. They are pretty sure (90%) that she has aggressive acute leukemia. She is going to Lubbock next week to run more test and see what they can do for her and start the proses of fighting. My cousin is having a really hard time with this because one its her baby, and two this girl was born on time (unlike the other two who were really preemie) and has not had the problems the older two have had. She is having a hard time seeing the why like we all do during these types of time. My heart is breaking for her and her family right now and I do not wish this on anyone. I know God can heal all and I know that this is a disorder that can be beaten. I am just asking for all the help of praying over this little girl as she goes through things that no one should have to go through. Thank you for your prayers and time...I will update when I can and know.

My little Bee is a big girl

Brezlyn in the past few weeks has went from a little baby to a big independent girl. She not only is a crawler but now she is pulling up on everything!!! Just yesterday I walked into her room to get her out of bed and she was standing up looking at me! Wow still can't believe how that can still amaze you and knock you off your feet!! She now has 6 teeth and is fallowing me around the house as I do things. She is a little ornery but in a funny way! She is still a joy and a blessing to my life and honestly say our family is so blessed to have her in our lives.

Off the title topic..... My other cuz. just found out she is having a girl...we told Keyton and he started shaking his head saying " No NO NO no more girls!" Poor guy we really need another boy in the family! HAHAHA He is big and doing great, learning from Paisley and impressing me all the time now if only he would potty train we would be great!

Paisley has started school here in Amarillo and loves it...I am really happy with it also...She is learning Sign language, Spanish and handwriting!!! This last week she came home and showed me the sign for friends, said Amigo (friend), Azule (blue), Verde (green), Rojo (red) and Amarillo (yellow) I am so impressed and she is so happy to have a challenge in school unlike last year! She is also so excited to be taking a field trip to the fair on Thurs. because she gets to ride the bus!! I am so happy the transition for her was easy and a good thing!

The kids

Well we have a CRAWLER!!! Brezlyn started crawling 4 days ago and she is finally getting to where she is really going all over the place. I am so happy and she gets so excited about it. She also has a new word...Bye. Love every time they learn a new word. She is growing up to fast. She has 4 teeth and 2 more coming in, she loves bath time and playing with her big bro and sis, she loves animals and loves to be with the family all the time. She seems to be a mama's girl most the time. She is still a happy girl for the most part and is already giving looks that make you die laughing. She is the little light in the family.
Paisley is getting big she finally had a little growth spurt and the kids don't look so much like twins any more. She is so smart every day she through me for a loop. The sweetest thing she said the other day is she told me when she grows up that she wants to be a mom like me and have kids...then she said I think I want 5 just like you mommy! So sweet and so funny to hear from a 3 year old. Lately she has been all about her birthday! She is so excited and wants a princess dress up party. She wants to be Belle and even wants the boys to come as princes! It is going to be a great and cute party! She is so excited and can't wait! She amazed me the other day while we where pricing fabric for her party dress...every sign she told me that Mommy those are 4 dollars or what ever they where! Wow she knew it was taking money...so cute too.
Keyton is getting big but the potty is not going...He made me sad and said he did not want to be a big boy and potty in the potty because he would not be my little boy any more. Oh so hit me hard so I let him know even potting in the potty he will always be my little boy. He is still just as sweet as ever and is starting to want to make people laugh. Still tender hearted and has a hard time with being the only boy sometimes. He loves to follow Paisley around but is starting to want to make some of the decisions too. He cracks me up because for Paisley's party he wants to be a frog princes so I was thinking the princes in the end of frog princes...No he wants to be a frog!!! SO cute and paisley was fine with that.
Loving watching them grow and the fun little things like finding acorns in the yard or reading story after story to them. I love how excited they get over the little things, wish we would not forget how to be like that!!! I love the kisses and hugs and I love yous. They are good kids and I am bless every day by the little things we or they do!

Moved!

We have offically moved to Amarillo...the kids love the new house and love that their playground is set up in the back yard! They love their playroom and can't wait til it is all set up. It is so nice to have our own House again and I can't wait to paint and decorate it and make it feel like our home. I am so thankful to my parents for letting us rent this house for them and also getting us a new washer and dryer for the house. I love how much they have done for us and the kids! We could never have given the kids a safe nice house with a back yard right now and they are angels in helping. I know the kids are greatful for the safty and I am too! Now to get it looking good and unpacked...when i get things done and fix the computer i will put up pics. of the house!

6 month check up

Brezlyn had a big growth spurt over the last 2 months...She is now 27 1/2 in and only 17 lbs. She did not gain much weight but gain some inches! She is not sitting up all by herself and even doing it by herself!!!! She moves back wards and on her bottom everywhere. She is getting up on all 4s all the time if only she would stop going back she would be gone...Eating solids better finally and really like carrots!! She Says Pas now and Loves to play on the floor with the kids. She is finally talking more and around people. Love to tell you she loves you. She still is really sweet and really wants to be with other kids all the time. wants any electronics she can get a hold of and loves to be in the water! she has a sweet heart!!!

The WIGGLES!!!!

Today we went to see the Wiggles live!!! The kids had such a great time and again (just like last year) cant wait to go back and see them. They loved seeing all the fun things the Wiggles did today...Even little Brezlyn started kicking and jumping to them she even kept herself awake to watch them the whole time. We got there and Paisley and I went to the bathroom to make sure we did not have to leave the show. Well there was music playing and she broke down think the show had started. Got that settled and she was good. We sat down (3 rolls back) and got ready for the show. The kids were so excited and could not wait for it to start. Poor Daddy was sick but he made it through the show with no interruptions. Keyton was a little tired and seemed like he was a little down today but he did good and loved everything. They started with a fav. and the kids were ready to watch. My kids don't get up and dance they sit back and watch...funny but with the money we spend I would rather they watch and take it all in than miss it all by being silly. Paisley was too funny when her fav. Wiggle hit the stage (Murray the red one) she got this big smile on her face and was too happy to see him. Keyton loved it when his fav. hit the stage too (Sam the yellow one) but got more excited later when Wags the dog came out. He was mad for a little while and I found out later it was because he gave his bone for wags to the dancer when it was time but we had not even seen Wags yet and he was mad that Wags had not gotten it....He was fine latter though. We all had a great time!!!

Keytons fav. parts.....
When anyone fell down..Anthony trying to get the hot poppen popcorn, and as a spider.
When Sam got ran over by Captain and Jeff in a big (hamster like) ball....made Sam scream
Wags any time he was out.
When they sang Twinkle Twinkle, Toot Toot, Wave to Wags, Hot Poppen Popcorn,
The Drum line
Captain falling down all the time....When he ran off stage screaming because Anthony said he could give him mouth the mouth if needed...really funny!!
Sam saying Thanks for Keyton's sign...said "Keyton loves singing with Sam"
the big one!!!! When he got to shake Sam's hand!!!

Paisley's fav. parts...
She said all of it but
When Murray read her sign and said He loved it...Sign said " Murray is the King"
Murray walking by her
Shaking hands with Captain and Sam.
Anthony hiding in his blue berry costume and then trying to walk off like that
the Mouth to Mouth thing...makes me say...Oh I know Mouth to Mouth restitution so she can scream like captain
them singing...Toot toot, Shimmy Shake, Wave to Wags, Fruit Salad, Captain feel asleep,
Seeing Murray at anytime...we sat on the side where he keeps his guitars and so he was right in front of us a lot!!!
the gymnastics stuff...they did a lot this year and she loved it.
Jeff falling asleep.

Brezlyn seemed to like it when we got in the car I asked if she got to see the Wiggle and she started moving around crazy and laughing....I think that means she loved it !!! It was really cute.

The big kids got new shirts and Bee got a wags rattle and blanket like cow cow or ellie ellie...all in all a great day!!!! Pics some time soon i hope!!!

Up dates

Well I have had a test run to see if my arteries are inflamed and they came back normal. I went to another doc. and he thinks i am suffering form sever migraines that are caused by an allergic reaction. If things don't stay good we will be going to a ENT doc. to see what they can find out. Lately I have been feeling better but today is the first day with out steroids so we will see if just the over the counter meds will work. For now nothing new.

We are moving our stuff to Amarillo this Sunday or Monday and then me and the kids will be there after the 6th. Cant wait to be in the house.

Asking for prayer

I need so prayers....On the 4th of July I had something get into my eye and as a result of rubbing it or the object that got into my eye my temple and eye swelled up. I went to the eye doc. the wed after the 4th and he gave me medicated drops and told me if the temple was not back to normal to go to the doc on Friday. So I had to go to the doc. he gave me some steroids and told me to come back in if not normal in a week and 1/2. Well it was only one week and I went back in because it was more swollen and other areas of my face are now swelling up. Also the pain is wost. They are having me come back in in the Morning to have blood work done to see if my Temple artery is inflamed. I am a little scared and want to know what is going on with my face/head. I hope we find out soon and get started on the treatment so that I can be healthy for my kids. Please pray for an answer and healing as I now start my own road to answers/cure. Thank you and I will update everyone when I find out.

Down...

Sorry to everyone who waiting for pics. Our computer is sick and I cant get pics to upload right now. We have been really busy with the move coming up and all the family that has come in this summer. I promise once things are back to normal to have tons of pics up for everyone to see.

Today my little Bee is 6 months!!! Wow how time has gone by. She is doing very well and growing all the time. She has 2 teeth on the bottom and is working on some more. She is so sweet and loves to play with the kids as much as she can. She loves animals and was so excited that our little cat let her pet her the other day. She is almost crawling and gets so upset that she cant move yet. She will be soon enough. She is so fun and I cant wait to see the person she becomes!

The big kids are doing good and getting ready for the big move. Paisley is over the moon because her kitty had babies and we get to bring them all to Amarillo!!! She is so excited and cant wait to hold the little babies! She is ready to have her cats at our house now and is trying to get Tryon to keep all the cats...Hehehehe will see.

Other than this nothing big is going on. Keyton is still a sweet heart who loves to love on you and play anything and paisley is still so smart and ready to go to school again.

hope to get the cpu fixed soon.....

Remember.....

Sorry this post is mainly for me but you are more than welcome to read my thoughts if you would like.



This week I would have a one year old. My little angel would have made its way into the world as of the 8th but sadly never made it past 10 1/2 weeks of pregnancy. My due date was not til the 18th but I have never went past a week before so this would have been the latest date for me. This month and Dec. are now a hard month for me. Yes I have 3 beautiful healthy kids one who would not be here if this tragedy had not happened. I am very blessed to have them all and there is not a day that goes by that I do not thank God for the beautiful gifts he has given me. This however does not heal my bleeding heart for the baby I never had the chance to meet. Yes (sadly and with a heavy heart) I did hold it for a moment but this is something I wish never happened. I still wonder who and what the little angel would be like and what it would have been to be give it a big 1st birthday this week. I miss that baby terribly and I am having a hard time letting it go. (something people never understand til it happens to you) I wish I would have had the chance to know that baby for a little longer time ( in some ways) or that It never would have happened at all. I still can't understand why or how and I know i never will. I have struggled with my faith over this and questioned God. I know God will bring something good out of this one day, I have seen him do it before in my life. I know Brezlyn is one thing I have now that I would not have if the other one had made it. It is just hard to see the light some days and to see the good in things. I miss my baby because it was a part of me and a future that I will never have now. My world was tossed upside down that Dec. and it took all i had to keep it from taking me with it. I still have a hard time with the fact that I almost died that day too and my poor babies had to watch that. I could have and almost did bleed to death right before their little eyes. I stayed awake for them and made it to the hospital for those two beautiful kids. They kept me going and it is scary to think that if I did not have any other kids that I may have given up that day.....I am grateful for them everyday...

What makes things so hard is that my sweet girl has to feel all this pain as well. Paisley still talks about our other baby and it breaks my heart every time she says..."our other baby is in heaven". I am so glad she wants to remember it but it sometimes hurts so much. Also just the fact that she has had to go through the stages of grief to at such a young age. Keyton gets nervous every month because I bleed again and he is scared of this now after what he saw. My heart breaks for them every time....

I think God for a safe pregnancy with Brezlyn and that her birth went well. I also am so grateful that her cyst when away and she is now a healthy happy baby. I am also so grateful to her for healing (just a small Part) my heart and bringing me back. I love all my kids even the one I never got to see. I enjoy watching them grow every day and cant wait to see what life has in store for them. I hope one day to finally see my little one who (as Paisley says) is with the angels...they are taking care of it now.

Sorry for the sad speech but I needed to get it out. I am still struggling and i know grief is a long hard road. One day I will make it down it....

a few pics

Here are a few pics I got loaded before the computer went down....

The first set are from my Cus. wedding from back in May.. It was a quick trip and the wedding was beautiful! Paisley loved seeing Jen in her dress and Keyton loved all the attention from friends and family. Bee loved a little one on one time with mommy. I was in the wedding and she went with me to all the before wedding fun.

Mommy, Daddy and our sweet Bee at the reception

Paisley with all the single girls.. Sweet thing wanted to be in everything
Jen and the girl who did get it! Paisley was so cute

Paisley and my cus. Brittany dancing!

paisley just loves her

More dancing...my kids love this part of weddings

Silly boy dancing with mommy! He had so much fun

Uncle Jaden and Brezlyn watching all the fun

Our little family having funNonnie and Poppy and my sweet babyPaisley the day before the wedding...

While we were getting ready for the rehursal she came out of the bath room with Tryon's glasses on it was really cute!
Keyton showing off his rolly polly at the rehursal.

Paisley with a rolly polly at the rehursal

Daddy and sweet little bee being cute ant the rehursal dinner.

More dancing from the wedding

They made friends with the flower girl and Paisley still talks about her
Loving on each other!!! love these moments

Keyton loves to do this with his shirt and call himself a turtle...silly boy

Being silly in the bath!!! They have so much fun in the bath.

They are looking at each others silly hair and being scared.

June 4-12 We made a tirp down to Amarillo to see family...We had a great time and got to see a lot of people who we never get to see.

The first night there all the kids with GG

Sorry a little out of order...Kids taking a "nap" on their new dresser

Little Girl looking so cute all dressed up in her car seatKeyton at the mall playground...He loves snakes and I thought this would be a cute pic in his room one day!!! He loves this big old snake

Paisley wanted a cute pic. too so she got on the Armadillo

Me and my little baby at Nonnie's house.

With all my babies! Love this pic

My new project...Made this bow holder for my new little niece!! So cute...

Hope to sell these too

Also for my niece also would love to sell these too....Playdate with our sweet amarillo friends...Matthew holding Brez

Paisley, Mandie and Keyton playing dress up

The kids loved this They would crawl in the box and Uncle Jaden would sling them out..

They would go flying and laugh so hard.

Brezlyn loved watching all of it! She laughed so hard

Wow they fit I will never understand!!! Makes for a funny pic.

More being cute

Out!!! But in a cute new outfit...

Being cute on Nonnie's swing...Her outfit is just like bees but diff color.

She loves to play on the swing!Trying to be scary on the swing!!! in his new snake shirt!

On their new bikes that stay at Nonnie's house!

Watching cartoons in the morning...So sweet

Showing off that sweet smile...She loves to be on her tummy

Playing wiht cus. Brittany. One of the 3 sets of family that came in that weekend

Nonnie and Aunt Cissy with little Bee

We went swimming at Aunt Tree's house a few times. The 2nd time we went Keyton jumped off the ladder and started swimming all by himself!!! i was so excited.

He was so proud of himself and swam all day!!! Now I have 2 little fish

Keyton swimming with Nonnie

Excited little boy!

My big girls who loves to swim
Brezlyn in her cute swim hat taking a bottle break with mommy

Her fav. thing about swimming was sleeping on her raft..She did it everytime

so funny...pic latter.

My big kids

Being cute in Nonnie's door! Such a pretty girl

Key's fav. spot to hide and play

My girls playing...Paisley has always loved doing tummy time with the babies

Playing with Poppy

Looking good on the way home with all her stuff...

Being cute at home playing outside...They both love to be outside

Trying to tell me about the grasshoppers...looks to cute

Always watching her big sis and bro!! Such a cute babie

our house for a few more weeks....
Keyton and Biscuit digging in the yard.

Key on his bike
Paisley running from wags...

Loves to sleep in the swing

Out of order again but looking cute outside!!!