Wost part of being a Mom

So as you all know my kids are just like their Mommy....mainly Keyton but the girls have both had a few bumps along the way too. The latest is little Brezlyn having to have stitches in her lip. Yes when they do get hurt they do it good. I hate when they get hurt like this and the worst part for me is feeling so helpless to their pain. There is nothing I can do to make the pain go away and having to watch them hurt and hear them cry over it breaks my heart. This is the part of mother hood that I cant stand and makes me feel like I have failed them in some way. I really wish I could take their pain for my self so that they would not have to go through the things they have. Like with Bee this time it hurt me to watch them give her that shot in the lip/cut and then stitch it up. Made me cry for her and with Keyton and his broken bones it just makes me sad to watch the active little boy sit and hurt. Paisley thankfully has only had to big boo boos and both where fine after a week or so. Both spranges just sore mainly but I still hate she hurt and was embarassed by the wrap/brace.  Thankfully God has made us to take the pain (even if not well) and we heal fast even if it needed the help of a Doctor. I know it will make them stronger and more careful....just wish they would listen when Mommy says...."If you don't stop ____ then you will get hurt!" Why do I have to have the kids that have to test that one out every time just to see if mommy is telling a stoy or not! :/ Oh well I am getting my pay back early for the things I put my mom through. :) Thanks mom for all those time you said "One day you will have a kid and they will make your heart stop and you will worry about them everytime they get hurt" Yes mom it is true it is so different watching them get hurt and trying to to worry about how bad they feel. I feel for you with me and Jaden now! I hope this is just a stage and they stop testing what Mommy says. I really wish I could put them in a bubble but Keyton could get hurt in there...who breaks there elbo by rolling over on it while playing games! Yes at times we have no idea how they did the things they did but that is life with 3 young hyper kids I guess and and very prego partly bed ridden Mommy!

Disappointed again....

Well today I had my baby apt got up with high hopes to hear something about what my crazy baby is doing. Got the kids to my mom's and head to the apt alone, Tryon had to work today so it was just me. Get there and got my hopes up because I got some good news my blood pressure was down and nothing to worry about. Went to the room and waited for the doc. He comes in measures me at 39 (I am 31 1/2) no surprise there from last week. Baby's heart was sounding fine like always. Then he says "If you have no questions I will see you in two weeks." I say "I was told you would go over the sonogram from last week" He then starts flipping through my chart and says "Ok your fluid levels are not high and the baby is just a big baby" Me "So should I be measuring 8 weeks early then" He said "No your measuring fine for how far you are" I was mad thinking what the crap! I say " but I am only 31 1/2 weeks? Should I really be this big" He Says "Well you look like you have big babies so just looks like he is going to be a lot bigger. Expect him to be about 10 lbs" WHAT THE CRAP!!!! I then go on to tell him "I have never measured this far a head and all my kids where induced 1 to 2 weeks early and that big" doc.."Well if you cervices is right we may just do that closer to the date but we don't think your date is wrong." I then tell him about the pos. pregnancy test that I took the month before and then bleed after and asked him if that could be this baby and he just ignored me completely about it. Tells me that he is right about my dates and that all the signs I am feeling about the baby coming in the next 3 to 4 weeks to ignore them because it is too early! LOL right like my body is going to ignore them. I am happy that he will induce me if my body is showing signs of dilation and readiness and I always do early so here is to hoping that will be on my side.

I leave the office upset not about the fact that he has not changed my dates but by the fact he will not let me talk about my concerns/fear etc with out brushing me off like I know nothing. I am so upset by the way I have been treated by this doc. and for sure will not recommend him to anyone. I am fine if my date should not change but the fact he cant tell me why my body is going crazy with a real explanation and just says I still think your date is right or we are right about the date....Makes me so mad and hurt. I am not a new mommy and have had 3 pregnancies before this. I do not want to deliver a 10 lb or more baby just because he does not want to change my due date or even listen to how I feel about things that only I know are going on in my body. I am no longer on light duty and I am happy about that one. But my heart is hurting because the man I have in trusted with my care and the safety of my baby boy does not seem to care about the people he works for.

I also told Tryon an over view of what went on at the doc and how I could not even express my fears with out him brushing them off. I also told him I was told to prepare for a 10 lb baby at least. Tryon is mad too..anyone who knows my Hubby knows it takes a lot to make him mad. He said when we go back in on the 2nd he is going and he is talking to him. Tryon knows I don't get scared with pregnancy pain and little things but that this last few weeks I have been scared for me and my baby. All I know is that he did not like me just being ignored and told to prepare for a overly big baby!!!! Its not the doc who has to push that out.

Please pray for the best yet again and I know if he comes on his own there is nothing this doc or I can do about it. I just really don't' want a baby over 9 lbs. I do this with no drugs and the thought of a 10 lb baby makes me sick and scared as if it was my first delivery again. I don't want to get my first stitches ever or worst have to have a c-section over all of this. I am trying to give it over to God and just relax but the fears are always knocking at my door. Help me to let it go and trust that God will help my body to take and handle what ever happens.

frustrated!

I am so so so frustrated right now....
Went into the Doc. this am for my 30 week apt. I am measuring 38 weeks and my blood pressure is a little high! Crud two more weeks ahead than I was expecting. I told him all about the pain and the contractions I am having along with my fatigue. He checked me and I am not dilated so that is about the only good news I got today. He told me that I am on partial bed rest...in other words only can do the things I need to do to take care of my kids, very little house work and keep my feet up as much as I can to keep Sandler from coming now. That is something I now have to worry about with my blood pressure/bigness. He did not say much to me or really let me talk much about how I was feeling I have to start coming in every week now rather than every two weeks. I also was set up for another sonogram. It was really neat to see the baby this far along on the screen and he already has chunky cheeks. He looks great and everything with him is fine. She said that my fluid was not really high and that he looked like he was not measuring big. But what makes me mad is that he would not sit still so that she could get real good measurements and it took for ever to get the ones she did. I also don't trust the your baby is this big thing because I have so many friends have a sono done told oh your baby is only going to be about 6 lbs and then they come out 9 lbs or so. Yeah dont trust that at all! She said that he would talk to me next week when I came back in for my apt. She also said that I am just going to be big LOL. Easy for her to say when she is not carrying this tummy that is big as how many weeks I was when I delivered Brezlyn! I really dont know what to think. I know my body from my last 3 pregnancies and this one feels so different and not right at this point and HE WILL not listen to me. This baby feels big big big...and I have no idea how in the world my body will make it 8 to 10 more weeks like I should. Also I dont know how he is not going to be 10 to 14 lbs. Not happy and not looking good for me. I cant sit for 10 weeks with out going crazy!!!!!! Nothing is done for him to come and my poor body is feeling like I am ready to have him. I have never ever said I am ready to be done this early at all! I dont complain about the normal pain of pregnancy to any one but maybe Tryon just to get it out that I hurt that day (that at least makes the normal pain better some how). But This time around it is the normal pain but only way early into it making me think I am in for an early delivery! That scares me too and my little heart is just breaking right now. I am so scared and I have never been scared during my pregnancy (other than the fear of labor with Paisley) and have had it easy I will say. Everyone feels sorry for me when I say I have 10 weeks left and even his nurse is on my side and she is part of the reason he checked me today for dilation. She said I could call her Thursday to see if he is going to look into changing my due date because of the sonogram or my measuring 8weeks early. Makes me mad because my doc in Abilene would have already moved up my due date....listened to my fears but that is because she is a woman understands the pain of pregnancy! I just keep saying I need to make it just 6 weeks to have him out of the NICU that and him not to be more than 9 lbs is what I am praying for right now!!!!! I am so sad and cried all day by this news. Please Pray that God lays it on him if my due date needs to be moved up or to help him see that I am so scared and upset right now. Also pray this does not end bad with Sandler in the NICU or worst, him being what I fear the most more that 10 lbs or that I will have heart problems with the blood pressure. THIS for sure is a different experience from me....I have never had any problems while prego and now all of this!!!!

Baby is still growing...

At 26 weeks...

Now at 29 1/2 weeks...just over 3 weeks!

Wow I am getting way to big for just almost 30 weeks. I have never been this big this early ever. You Would never guess that I have only gained 12 lbs total if that. Thank God he has not dropped all the way like I thought he had this week. I still look like he is just where he needs to be. He maybe finding his way down but not all the way just yet. I go in on Monday and hope to know more then. Tryon is also going with me to make sure we find out what is going on with this little guy. I want another sono to make sure everything looks good and that he is ok/not too big. If he changed my Due date I could be due around May 18th or so. Praying that I do not end up on bed rest. Baby boy needs to take a small break from growing LOL so that this mommy can still be with my other kids like normal.

I want him to be happy and healthy but I also want to walk with out pain.

:)

Another one is 4!!!

Tomorrow My first little boy will be 4 years old at 5:58pm. Does not seem like it has been that long since having him in my arms for the first time. Crazy to think I have another one who has passed this mile stone. For his birthday we took him to Red Robbin and they gave him a Sunday for his birthday. Perfect for him with no wheat!!! He was so excited and did not want to share at all LOL. Then tomorrow he will have (wheat free) cookies at school and get to open his birthday pres. from us. His party is on Sat. and it will be a pirate dress up party! He is so excited to put on that Jack Sparrow outfit and have fun with all his friends. Should be a great time. I am making foam swards for all his friends, everyone gets eye patches, balloons and a pirate compass! Cant wait to see everyone playing and having a great time!

Fears...

at 21 weeks
double the size at 26 weeks

Ok so as everyone knows last month I had lots of pain with my pregnancy. I pulled a muscle and just could not get over it no matter how hard I tried. I finally after 3 weeks was able to be up and back to normal with my kids. Which was so nice and They where so glad that Mommy was better and ready for the day again. Tryon was happy to because I could help out around the house and starting to get back to normal.

Well this last week I went in for my apt. expecting the normal of hear the baby then off to take my two test. The glucose test and the rogam shot....While at the doctors he listens to my baby and sounds great then he measures me...at 32 weeks. WHAT I was only 25 weeks and 4 days! He looked at me kind of funny but that was it. Said well that would be why I was having so much pain this last month because he jumped from being on time to 6 weeks early. Crazy....Did not think nothing of it other than he better watch me so I don't get to big.

Then this week read about a women who just delivered a 14 lb baby!!! OMG right! Well started reading about it and it was my story so far and the doc did not think the baby was going to be big even though she was measuring so far a head from about 5 months on. I am so worried this is going to happen to me. I have been induced with all 3 of mine the first two a week early and they where 8lbs 2oz and 8lbs 7oz. My last one was induced 2 weeks early and was 8lb 2oz. I have never had gestational diabetes either. Every one of them was measuring about 3 weeks ahead of term. SO with my past 3 it really scares me that this is happening. The other thing someones said is that there could still be a twin in there hiding very well...possible I know I have read where women give birth thinking it is one and surprise there is another one. I am worried that either one will happen the 2nd would be better than a 14 lb baby that is for sure! I don't know what to think and my poor body hurts from this sudden growth spurt this little guy had. My back is killing me and people about drop dead when I say that I am due in June! LOL not that every pregnancy they have not said "wow your big" or "are you sure its not twins" but this time I got "Sweetie you are so cute..any day now?" me "no not til June" her " Oh my sweetie I hope it comes early you look like you could pop. Good luck" Yeah not fun to hear but I know I am big too and now it is confirmed he is too. I have been praying for no more than a 9 lb baby please even if it is 2 no more than 9 lbs LOL. I know God will take care of me and if things get to bad surely the doc will induce if it get too bad. I am worried about bed rest for the first time during the pregnancy! This would not be a good thing for my other 3 who get worried now if I say " oh hold on mommy is hurting" they don't want me to be stuck on the couch again.

Please pray that this works out...he changes my due date if thing stay like this or orders a sonogram to see what is going on in there. Just makes me laugh because Sandler was normal during the last sonogram and now he is just huge. I know its not the weight because I have only put on about 8 lbs all together!!! Yeah not much at all for 26 weeks. Crazy baby in there LOL. I cant wait to see what happens next. Pray my body will take care and keep him in til he is viable too.

4 hours of work

As we start working to home school only house next year I am making plans to really start now so that it is not such a shock to us with a new baby and new way of life for Paisley/all of us. We where taking the kids out of mother's day out because we ran into big money problems this year and really cant afford the $320 a month payments for it. Wow right it was either keep my new car or pay for school....the car won! We went to school today to say bye to our friends and pick there stuff up and while telling Keyton's teachers that we just cant do it and we maybe moving around the end of the month to the start of April. Oh yes that's right Tryon's new job offer is in Abilene so we maybe moving back if he gets the job. We should know this week sometime. Anyways the director of the school over heard me and told me it was no problem to let them stay this month or as long as we needed to help out...FREE of charge. WOW I am blown away and as soon as Paisley heard that she said "Mom bring me my lunch Bye" and walked right into class. I tried to say no its ok but she would not take no for an answer! Made me cry because she said that they are not ready to say good bye to my kids and that it was fine and we are good in the money department. Wow I really did not think people with big hearts still worked in the real world. My heart is over joyed and the kids are so excited to stay for a few more weeks.
Anyways Back to home school.... Because I was thinking Mother's Day Out was over I spent the weekend and most of last night getting together a months worth of Preschool ready for the kids. With no work books to go off of like next year it was a little longer than I thought. LOL We are still going to home school and Mother's Day out for now and then if we move it will be only Home school til the fall when Keyton and Brezlyn (maybe if it works out) will go to Mother's day out in Abilene. I am so excited to start the experiments, games and more that i have found to go along with what we are learning! I went to the library today to get the books to go along with it too for circle time. This is going to be so much fun and I am glad we are starting before Little Sandler gets here in a few months! That way it wont be so much new on my plate when Fall Kindergarten gets here. Kids are excited to and the Art is going to be fun. I did find out how easy it is to convert thing into all three levels...My teacher side has been reawaken and ready for this. This is just what I needed to get going and all my teacher training is going to come in handy!!! I already have something made from school projects so that will help me out too. If you come to our house it will be filled with education and fun! Can't wait to start in the am with our first day of school. :) Hope the kids love it too.